


Without Words

by Langbrae



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:27:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 48
Words: 41,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28018461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Langbrae/pseuds/Langbrae
Summary: Annabelle Shepherd is mute. She decides to go to college in Long Island to get a new start from her home in Indiana. While on the Island, she becomes best friends with her roommate, Liana Barzal. But when Liana introduces Annabelle to her brother, memories from Annabelle's past haunt her as she tries to make a decision. Will she refuse to let Mat in because of her fears, or will she take a chance and risk her friendship with Liana in order to be with the boy she loves?
Relationships: Mathew Barzal/Other(s)
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> These chapters are going to be super short, but there's going to be a lot of them! As I'm writing the story, I ended each chapter wherever I feel would fit best, so please bear with me and the short sections! Thank you! :)

I hugged my mom goodbye after lifting my last bag into the trunk of my dad’s car. “Call us when you get there, alright? I want to know that you settled into your dorm alright.”

 _Don’t worry Mom, I will call you_. I signed.

“Alright, have a safe flight, I love you.”

 _I love you too_ , I signed. My eye contact with her lingered as I climbed into the passenger seat, next to my dad. He had been kind enough to give me a ride to the airport and help get me checked in.

After we got there and I got everything set for my flight, my dad gave me a big bear hug.

“I’m going to miss you, cookie,” he said. I couldn’t reply to this until after our hug separated, which happened a few seconds later.

 _I know, I’ll miss you too. But I will call you, and we can stay in touch_ , I signed.

“Have a good flight.” I waved back at him as I headed into the terminal, my backpack slung over my shoulders and my hand planted firmly on my suitcase that I was wheeling beside me, my other hand was holding my boarding pass and ID that I hadn’t put away since checking in.

Once I made it to the gate, I sat down and took a breath, knowing full well this was the first time I was traveling without my parents. Especially somewhere so far away.

About forty minutes later, they started boarding and I made it onto the plane soon after that.

As we took to the bright blue skies, I stared out the window. The seat beside me was empty, which I was immensely grateful for. Being mute doesn’t exactly make those friendly ‘I’m sitting beside you’ airplane conversations easy.

I was born with messed up vocal cords. The doctors tried to do something about it, but they realized that it was too risky a procedure. If they messed something up, it could affect my airways and I could suffocate to death. As a 2-day old, that was definitely a risk my parents weren’t willing to take. So, they went home with a baby who could hear, but couldn’t talk. They did the only thing they could do, raise me knowing both English and American Sign Language, or ASL. That’s why I sign instead of talking. They learned how to sign, and fast, and signed with me until I had enough of a grasp on the language to communicate my needs effectively, when I was around 6 or 7. After that, they started speaking to me, but they could read my signing. At times, whenever they felt they needed to, they would sign to me, perhaps in the middle of a big crowd or when they want to share an impolite opinion of someone in the room. Life as a mute person might seem hard to other people, but to me, it’s just normal. It’s the way things are. I know English, and yet I use ASL to express myself.

For Kindergarten through 5th grade, my parents had sent me to a normal elementary school in town. But, by the time I was 11 and ready to head to middle school, I had wanted to go to a Deaf school. My parents didn’t like the idea, though, and wanted me to stay in the public school system. They reassured me that I would have interpreters to help me communicate. I had some struggles socially, but I managed to hold onto one friend, Emma; at least for a while. I stayed in the public school system through Grade 12, and now I’m going to St. Joseph’s College on Long Island. I had applied to several schools but I had a particularly good feeling about St. Joseph’s. Plus, I had gotten a pretty big scholarship to go there, so my parents and I decided that I’d accept their offer. 

When the plane landed, I waited in my seat for everyone around me to get up and get their stuff first. Then, when there was room, I gathered my bags and headed off the plane, making sure to thank the pilots and flight attendants.


	2. Chapter 2

Several hours later, I had gotten my checked bag and gotten out of the airport. I called an Uber to take me to the university, and about half an hour later, I arrived. Move in day was technically tomorrow, but I had seen on their social media that dorms were open today. As I stepped out of the Uber vehicle, I took in the fresh Long Island air for the first time. As I walked across campus to get to my residence hall, which was called Rathus, I admired the beautiful campus scenery. There were many trees lining the walkways and the grass was kept neat and trimmed.

When I arrived at Rathus, I opened the door and stepped inside. There was a lobby with various couches and chairs around. The walls were painted a light green color, and there was a light blue rug laid out on the floor. “Hi, can I help you?” The lady at the front desk asked me. I lifted my hands to reply to her.

_Hi, I’m here to move in?_ I said. She looked confused; clearly she had no idea what I said. I held out one finger to tell her ‘hold on,’ and then pulled up the notes app on my phone. “I’m here to move in.” She read it and nodded.

“Are you Deaf?” she asked. I shook my head and looked back at my phone, typing “no, i’m mute. My vocal cords don’t work,” and showed it to her. “Ohhh. And what’s your name? I’ll need it to find your room number and everything.”

“Annabelle Shepherd.” I typed and showed. She nodded and turned to the filing cabinet behind her desk, pulling out a file that I noticed had my name on it. She flipped it open and read the file that was laid on top.

“It says you’re in room 213 and your roommate’s name is Liana. I’m not positive, but I think she came in here earlier this morning, so you might just get to meet her right now!” I smiled. “Here’s your key…” she said, handing it to me. “You’ll get your student ID in a couple weeks, and if you need anything else, I’ll be down here all of today and tomorrow. I’m Eliza, by the way. I’m a senior Marketing major, and I’m an RD. Usually, some of the RA’s will be down here. There’s a bunch of them, so it’ll shuffle who’s on duty when. But yeah! Nice to meet you Annabelle. Go ahead and go up to your room and let me know if you need anything!”

_Thank you_ , I signed and mouthed really big.

“No problem!” As I turned towards the stairwell, I smiled at the fact that she understood the sign for thank you. The stairs were carpeted and comfortable to walk up. The walls of the stairwell were light yellow, even though there were no windows in here. I got to the second floor and glanced around at all the doors. 202, 203, 204… I continued walking down the hallway until I got to 213. As I walked down the hall, I was skeptical of what Liana would think of me. What if she hates that I can’t talk? What if she doesn’t want to be roommates with someone like me? My head was clouded with doubt and insecurity when I arrived at 213. This is it, the moment of truth. Shyly, I knocked on the door. I could hear music coming from inside, and if I wasn’t mistaken, it was 'Happily' by One Direction. OMG. If she likes this music, I’m sure we’ll get along fine. She opened the door a few seconds later.

“Hi! Oh my gosh, you must be Annabelle! I’m Liana, your roommate. It’s great to meet you!”

_You too_ , I signed. I cringed for a second, hoping she wouldn’t judge me… but she didn’t. Her eyes lit up.

“Oh, are you Deaf?” she asked.

_No, I’m mute. My vocal cords don’t work_. I shook my head and gestured to help her understand.

“Ohhh, wow! That’s super interesting. That’s okay, I’ve always wanted to learn ASL but never had enough time to. I’m super busy most of the time. Would you teach me?” I smiled and nodded eagerly.

_Of course!_

“How do you say ‘great?’” I showed her the sign and she copied it, smiling. _Great_ , she signed. I beamed.


	3. Chapter 3

An hour later, Liana had helped me get everything unpacked and set up in our room. It was super cozy; we had set up a fake plant on the window sill, put some fairy lights around the top of the walls, and some candles on the bookshelf in one corner. Liana had claimed the left side of the room, after asking if I was okay with the right side. We talked a bit about our backgrounds as we settled into the new space. She mentioned how she was actually from Vancouver, BC, but had wanted to move closer to her brother who works here. I told her I had visited multiple campuses and considered several schools, but I always liked this one the best, plus my scholarship here was substantial. She nodded, understanding. 

Once we were finished decorating, it was almost 6pm. “Do you wanna go get dinner?” she asked me. 

_Yeah!_ I signed, nodding.

“Okay! Sounds good. I don’t think anywhere on campus is open, though. But there’s a great restaurant not far from here, within walking distance! Do you like Italian?”

 _I love Italian!_ I replied.

“Does that mean you love Italian?” she asked. I nodded. “Great! Let’s go!”

While we were walking, she started talking again. “So, how do you sign friends?” I showed her the sign and she replicated it. _You, me, friends_ she signed, smiling. I smiled and nodded, excited that this is the first day that I met her, and yet she’s trying to learn ASL! That meant the world to me.

 _And roommates,_ I added. 

“Roommates?” I nodded.

_You, me, friends, roommates._

“How do you say my? Like possessive?” I showed her the flat hand signs, meaning my, your, his/her/their, etc. 

_You my friend and roommate_ she signed. I fist bumped her to congratulate her progress. 

When we got to the restaurant, Liana was super excited about learning as many signs as she could. While we were waiting for our food to come and while we were eating, she learned the signs for table, chair, eat, food, dinner, pasta, Italian, wait, more, sorry, please, yes, no, thank you, finish, leave, and dessert. Of course, the sign for dessert was a MUST. 

After we ate and paid, we walked back to the dorm. It was getting dark, but I noticed the faint pink streaks in the sky. That was my favorite part of watching any sunset.

As soon as we got back into our room, I changed into my pajamas and hit the bed. Turns out I was much more exhausted than I thought I was and I was asleep right after Liana told me goodnight.


	4. Chapter 4

Three days later, it was Saturday. We had moved in on Wednesday and everyone else moved in on Thursday, and Liana and I hadn’t done a whole lot in the last three days. Classes were starting on Monday, and we were trying to come up with some things to do today to keep ourselves entertained. “How about we go to this little coffee shop I know! It’s like a 20 minute drive but I’ve heard it’s really good, and I’ve wanted to try it ever since I decided I was coming here.”

_ Sure,  _ I replied.  _ Can we go to a bookstore after? _

“Do you have money to spend?” she asked.

_ I have my credit card,  _ I replied. 

_ Me too,  _ she signed back. I taught her that one yesterday.

We left a few minutes later and decided to get breakfast at the coffee shop, which was called Babylon Bean Coffee House. Liana had looked up the shop on her phone so many times, and she told me that they offered breakfast. From what I could tell, it seemed like a great place to grab a meal and some coffee; the perfect way to start our Saturday.

Since Liana and I were both freshmen, and out-of-state students, neither of us had a car, so we called an Uber. 

We arrived at the coffee house and were seated a few minutes later. Liana started a conversation.

“So, what are you most excited about for classes starting on Monday?” She asked.

_ Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe meeting people- _

She cut me off to ask about a sign, copying it with her hands. “Is that people?” I nodded. “Sorry, continue.”

_ Also, I’m a little bit scared of what they’ll think about me not having a voice. _

She gave me a look. “You shouldn’t be worried, Annabelle. Just because you use a different language to express yourself doesn’t mean people will hate you. If anything, they’ll probably be fascinated by it.”

_ I guess…  _ I replied. 

Before either of us could say anything else, a tall guy with sleek black hair and hazel eyes pulled up a chair backwards to Liana’s and my table. He ruffled Liana’s hair before straddling the chair and sitting down. “Hey sis what’s up?” He said.

Liana smiled. “Hey!”

Just then, I recognized him. Mat Barzal, New York Islanders #13. Drafted 2015, Calder Winner 2018. I had grown up watching hockey, and even though the Winnipeg Jets had long been my favorite team, Mat was undoubtedly the most attractive player in the league in my mind. I couldn’t believe that I had become friends and roommates with his sister!

He looked at me, and just then I realized how pretty his eyes were. “Oh! Annabelle, this is my brother, Mat. Mat, this is Annabelle. She’s mute. She can hear, but she can’t talk, so she signs.” 

He looked at Liana for a second, then back at me.  _ Nice to meet you,  _ I said.

“She said nice to meet you.” 

Mat nodded and held his eye contact with me. “You too. So…” he glanced between both of us. “What are you guys up to? How’s move-in going?”

“Ah, you know, we got settled in and we’ve mostly just killed time since Thursday morning. With classes starting Monday, we’re trying to make the most of our off-time.” 

Mat nodded. “Yeah, sounds like a plan.” He turned towards me again. “So, Annabelle?” I nodded. His eyes sparkled with the light shining in from the window. “Where are you from?”

I decided to go ahead and fingerspell, and then type it on my phone when he wouldn’t understand.  _ S-P-R-I-N-G-S-I-D-E, IN.  _ I immediately noticed his confused facial expression, so I held up one finger and unlocked my phone, immediately opening notes and typing it out. I turned it around on the table so he could read it. 

“Oh, so you’re here just for college?” I nodded. “What are you majoring in?”

_ My major is Elementary Education,  _ I told him. 

“Her major is …” Liana tried to interpret but got confused. I signed  _ elementary education  _ again, mouthing the words to help her understand. 

“Elementary education.” Mat finished. I smiled and nodded. “Wow! So you wanna teach the little kids?” I nodded again. 

_ Deaf and mute kids,  _ I added.

“That’s very cool.” 

_ Thank you _ .

I took a sip of my coffee, and a second later, Mat spoke again.

“Do you guys have plans for tomorrow?” He glanced between Liana and I.

“Nope,” she told him, and I shook my head.

“Do you wanna hang out tomorrow?” As he spoke, I noticed that it seemed like he was looking at me a lot more than Liana. Each time he did, I saw the color in his eyes, and I found myself drawn in. I wonder if Liana knew that her brother was having an effect on me. And if she did, I wonder what she thought about it.

“Sure, I’m down, if Annabelle is.”

_ Sure,  _ I nodded. 

Mat smiled. “Does that mean sure?” 

_ Yeah. _

“Cool! Alright, so I’ll pick you two up from campus tomorrow, say, around noon? I know what we’re going to do.” Liana looked at me and smiled, then back at her brother. Mat was still looking at me. 

_ Sounds like fun!!  _ I told them. Mat’s face lit up as he realized I was agreeing. I loved how happy he was.

“Alright! That’s a plan. I guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” He stood up and dragged the chair back to the table it came from, holding his coffee in one hand. Liana smiled at him and I waved as he walked away. She turned back to me and gave me a look.    
“That was interesting…” she said. 

_ Why?  _ I asked. 

“I forgot that I didn’t tell you he was my brother. I’m sorry.” 

_ It’s fine,  _ I replied. 

“I don’t usually like telling people, because then they just see me as Mat Barzal’s sister. I’d rather be Liana Barzal. Me. My own person, ya know?”

_ Yeah, I know. _

“Well, anyway. Are you excited about the three of us hanging out tomorrow?” 

_ Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.  _ Liana smiled.

We finished our food and coffee and called another Uber to take us to Westfield South Shore, a mall about ten minutes from the coffee house. Mostly we browsed some clothing stores and ended up in the bookstore at around 2:15. We spent almost an hour browsing the shelves of all the different genres. I had always loved reading and I still believe that one of the most impossible tasks is pulling me out of a bookstore.

After I settled on three books, I paid and Liana dragged me out. She had called an Uber in order to help hurry me along, and I had to succumb to her wish of leaving. 

Once we got back to our dorm at around 3:00, we both found ourselves bored, again. 

“Hey, you like hockey, right?” I nodded.

“Why don’t we watch a full game from last season? How about the Isles? We can watch my brother tear it up on the ice.” She chuckled. “And, I packed popcorn in my backpack. Whaddya say?”

_ That sounds like a perfect idea  _ I told her. 

She asked me what the sign for hockey is, and I showed it to her. She repeated it and signed  _ thank you  _ when she decided it was in her head for good. 

Liana had apparently somehow collected recordings of all the games from the previous season, and we both laid on our own beds and watched it. We had popped the popcorn and split it into two separate red SOLO cups. I had a feeling this was going to pass the time quickly, especially since neither of us knew the outcome of the game, so it felt like we were watching it in real time. 

As we were watching, I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering. I’d be blind and stupid if I said that Mat wasn’t attractive, but I was afraid. Afraid of what Liana would think, afraid of what would happen if he didn’t feel the same, afraid of what would happen if he did, and what would happen if it didn’t work out. I let myself feel this way, though, because I knew that I had good reasons for it.


	5. Chapter 5

“I’m home!” My brother called as he entered the house. He shut the door with one hand as his other hand was gently entwined with Emma’s. Adrian’s crush on Emma, who was also my best friend, had lasted almost a year, and he told me about it just over 6 months ago. I remember the moment he told me. “Listen, I like her, okay? Sometimes I stay awake at night thinking about her. If she chooses me back, please don’t stand in the way of us, okay?” he had said. At that moment, I was conflicted. Do I do as he asks and risk losing my best friend, or try to hold on to her, even if that means preventing her from dating him? I sighed. 

The next day at school, Emma pulled me aside. “Hey, I need to talk to you about something,” she had said. 

_ What’s up?  _ I had signed. Emma had also been the first friend of mine to learn my language. We had been best friends since fourth grade, and now we were in the beginning of our junior year of high school. 7 years. And little did I know that all of that was about to go down the drain. 

“So, this might sound kinda weird, but I think I have a crush on Adrian.” 

_ My brother??  _ I asked. I could feel my heart pounding. Knowing that Adrian liked her, and now she liked him, I felt like there was nothing I could do to stand in their way. I knew I had the power to, and I could tell her that he hated her or make up something else, but that would only result in me feeling worse. Besides, if I let them be together and it all goes well, then I haven’t lost anything, whereas I’m guaranteed to feel horrible and probably lose both of them if I lied to her.

“Yeah, is that bad? Do you think he likes me back?”

_ I don’t know if he’ll be mad at me for telling you, but yesterday he told me that he likes you and he can’t stop thinking about you, so I guess he does.  _

She gasped. “Seriously?” I watched as the smile formed on her face and I couldn’t help but smile myself. I liked to think that I was doing something good, and I prayed that this wouldn’t destroy our friendship. The three of us had been pretty close for about 2 years and I felt this wrenching in my heart, hoping that nothing would change, even if Emma and Adrian dated and broke up.

“Oh my gosh, so, how do I tell him? Or is he going to tell me?”

_ Go find him and tell him you like him back. You can tell him I told you. Pretty sure he has AP Bio first block. _

“Okay, I’ll do that! Thanks Annabelle.” She gave me a quick hug and turned away, walking quickly down the hall towards the science wing of our high school.

Emma and Adrian were officially dating by lunchtime, and our entire friend group knew; all of Emma’s friends, all of my friends, and all of Adrian’s friends, plus some others throughout the school that heard it from a friend of a friend. 

Eleven months later, during summer before senior year, Adrian and Emma got into a huge fight. Adrian was about to leave for college and he wanted to stay together, but Emma was sure that he’d meet other girls, and she’d meet other guys, and she didn’t want the difficulty of doing long distance. Then Adrian got insulted, because he thought that she meant that she was done with him, even though she hadn’t wanted to break up but she thought it was what would be best. It got ugly. And after they broke up and Adrian left, Emma and I didn’t talk very much anymore. She said it was because she couldn’t look at me and not think about Adrian, but it still hurt. A lot. It might have even hurt more for me than for her, losing your best friend can be more difficult than losing your boyfriend. I could never tell her that, though, because she’d laugh in my face for thinking I’m hurt more than her right now. I went through most of my senior year without any best friends. Sure, there were people in my classes that I could try to talk to, but not all of them understood my signing, and sometimes it was better to be alone. 

When I decided to go to St. Joseph’s though, I was excited for that change of scenery. I couldn’t wait to meet new people and get a fresh start. 

I’ll admit it, Mat was very attractive, but I couldn’t help feeling scared. What if I liked him? What if I ended up with him, and then went through this nasty breakup and I hurt Liana? What if she didn’t want to be my friend anymore if I hurt her brother? My head clouded with endless possibilities, and as I watched the rest of the hockey game, I made up my mind; I wouldn’t, I  _ couldn’t,  _ fall for him. No matter what.


	6. Chapter 6

Later that evening, Mat texted Liana and told her that we should eat early tomorrow morning, because he wants us to be hungry for lunch while the three of us are hanging out. We woke up at 8:30 and lazily walked over to the student center in our pajamas to grab some breakfast. Liana continued to ask about signs that she didn’t know, and her vocabulary was getting bigger and bigger by the day. Whenever she didn’t know a sign, she’d ask about it. I had thanked her several times already for taking the time to learn how to communicate with me. She’d always reply with “no problem!” but it meant more to me than she knew.

When we got back to our dorm, we took our time getting dressed and ready, since we had a couple hours before Mat would get here. 

_ Should I do makeup?  _ I asked her.

“Mmm… I’m not sure, do you want to?”

_ Kind of, just because it’ll make me feel good, and also it will kill some time. _

“True,” she shrugged. “Well, we can do it together then.” She connected her phone to a bluetooth speaker and started playing some One Direction songs. I started dancing to the music and she walked over to beside me with her makeup bag in hand. We spent the next hour and a half chatting, laughing, dancing, and having the best time. Thoughts of classes starting tomorrow were nowhere to be found, and we were both simply enjoying the present moment. 

Before we knew it, it was 11:58. Liana’s phone started ringing, and she walked over to her bed to pick it up. “Hello? Oh, yeah, we’ll be right out. Yeah, she’s ready. Yup. Okay, we’ll see you soon. Bye.” Then she turned and said “That was Mat. He’s outside waiting for us.”

_ What time is it? _ I asked her.

“11:58. Oh, 59 now. We gotta go.” I left my makeup bag on the counter in the bathroom and came out, unplugging my phone and grabbing my purse. Liana was holding open the door for me and we headed towards the stairwell, down the stairs, and outside. “That’s his car right there,” she said, and pointed towards a silver Hyundai Elantra. 

Liana opened the passenger side door, and I opened the back door. “Hey guys!” he said, then he looked at Liana. “Why don’t we let Annabelle sit in the front?”

“What about her signing though?” She asked.

“Wouldn’t it be easier to read it from behind than having to turn around the whole time?” Mat asked. It seemed like he really wanted me in the front. 

Liana shrugged. “Alright.” She and I switched, and I climbed into the shotgun seat next to Mat. 

“Hey Annabelle, how are you?” 

I signed  _ good  _ and then followed it up with a thumbs up to make sure he understood.

“Great! How ‘bout you sis?” He looked over his shoulder at Liana.    
“Yep, I’m good. Where are we going?” She asked. 

Mat smirked. “Don’t worry, you guys will find out soon enough.”

We started a simple conversation as Mat got onto the interstate and headed north. 

_ Are we going north?  _ I asked. Liana saw me signing and repeated my question so Mat could understand.

“I’m not telling you.” He glanced at me for a split second then looked back at the road. I noticed the smile forming at the edges of his mouth and wondered what he had up his sleeve. 

On the rest of the drive, we turned on some music. Mat had been playing Nickelback, and as soon as it came on, Liana said “NO, Mat not Nickelback!” I turned back to look at her, and she signed “1D” I nodded and pulled out my phone. I turned on bluetooth, connected to Mat’s car, and then pulled up Spotify and turned on What Makes You Beautiful. He looked at me for a second and said “Fine. But we’re listening to Nickelback on the way back. That’s non-negotiable.”

I rolled my eyes, but smiled, and once again, Mat glanced at me for a split second, then turned his eyes back to the road. 

About 35 minutes later, we were arriving in a tiny town called Cold Spring Harbor on the northern end of the island. “Here we are!” Mat said excitedly, as he made a left turn into the parking lot. “Cold Spring Harbor on a Sunday afternoon in mid-August? What could be better?” He opened his door and climbed out of the car, but not before telling Liana and I to “not move.” We glanced at each other, and a second later Mat opened Liana’s door. She climbed out, thanked him, and then he made his way around to my side of the car. He opened my door with a smirk, holding out his hand to help me up.

_ Thank you,  _ I signed. 

“Is that thank you?” he asked, the curiosity apparent on his face. I nodded. Mat repeated the sign himself, and I could feel the happiness tug at the corners of my mouth. 

“Alright! Where are we going first?” Liana asked from the other side of the car. We walked towards the sidewalk that was in front of the parking lot, and stared at the row of shops across the street. I spotted a boutique called ‘Girl Obsessed.’ The exterior was light blue siding, and there was a window with a mannequin standing in it. The words “Girl Obsessed” were in black cursive font, and the door was glass. 

_ Look! Girl Obsessed? I wanna go in there!  _ Liana smiled and clapped her hands excitedly, while I saw Mat just roll his eyes.  _ Hey, you brought us here.  _

“I brought you both here, I know. Can I wait outside?”

“No, Mat, you’re coming in with us. Besides, how are you gonna tell us what looks good if you’re waiting outside?” 

“Okay, but if I go in there, you guys down to play a couple holes of golf later?” 

_ Sure!  _

“Yeah!” Liana and I glanced between each other and Mat to see his thoughts about going into the boutique. 

We looked both ways and crossed the street, and Mat opened the door to the boutique and held it open for Liana, and then entered behind me.

Liana immediately walked over to a cute sweater and started browsing sizes, holding it up in front of her and glancing in the mirror. “Annabelle, what do you think?” 

_ Cute!  _ I told her. 

“Is that the sign for cute?” Mat asked, repeating the sign himself. I couldn’t help but notice the pink tint taking refuge on his cheeks as he smiled. His eyes were sparkling in the light, and he looked at me expectantly.

_ Yeah!  _

“I’ll have to remember that.” He winked and walked to the other side of the store, to where Liana was. I couldn’t help but notice it seemed like he was being flirty. Normally I would flirt back, but not this time. The promise I made to myself came back to me, and I remembered what I told myself yesterday: “I wouldn’t, I  _ couldn’t,  _ fall for him. No matter what.” That had to remain true. 

I forcefully pushed any and all thoughts of Mat out of my head as I started browsing the shelves and racks of clothes. I found a cute shirt and I held it up in front of me. Nearby was a different rack with some shorts and capris, and I started browsing them as well, not paying attention to Mat’s and Liana’s voices from behind me, even though I could hear them. 

“What do you think Mat? Could you see me in this?” 

“Uh, yeah. I could.” I couldn’t help but notice that it sounded like Mat wasn’t paying attention to his sister.

I continued browsing for a few more minutes, and after I gathered a few things to try on, I made my way to the fitting room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's super short but fluffy

As I was changing, Liana texted me. “Where did you go lol?”

I texted her back and said “oh i’m trying things on in the fitting room.”

I saw bubbles pop up on the screen, meaning she was typing. “Oooo okay! Mat and I are coming over to see!” I chuckled quietly. 

For an instant, I wondered what Mat would say, or think. But the next second, I forced myself to push the thoughts out of my head. “I wouldn’t, I  _ couldn’t,  _ fall for him. No matter what.”

I had tried on a cute yellow sundress with small white polka dots. It had these adorable little ruffles along the neckline and shoulder straps, and even though it would be cold in a few months, I could enjoy wearing this while the warmth lasted. 

I lifted my hands above the door and signed  _ ready?  _

I heard Liana say “yeah! Come on out, we want to see!” 

I unlocked the fitting room door and hesitantly walked out, looking between both of them to see what they thought. I was mostly focusing on Liana, but I couldn’t stop my eyes from wandering to Mat’s face for an instant every few seconds.

“Oh my goodness Annabelle! You look so pretty!” Liana walked over to me and started playing with my hair, trying to shape it as it fell over my shoulders.

While she was trying to make my hair look good, I couldn’t prevent my eyes from looking at Mat. Clearly, he was having a hard time looking anywhere else. It looked like his voice was caught in his throat and he didn’t know what to say. His eyes looked me up and down, but for some reason I didn’t feel uncomfortable. The one word I could find for the expression inside his eyes was  _ admire.  _   
Liana continued to play with my hair and finally Mat spoke.

“How do you sign sunshine?” That was not what I expected him to say, but I showed him the sign anyway, with a subtle smile across my face. He slowly repeated the sign with his hand, but he seemed to put more effort into this one, compared to other casual signs like  _ thank you  _ or even  _ cute.  _ It was like him wanting to know the sign for sunshine was his reaction to the dress. Like I was a ray of sunshine. His ray of sunshine. 


	8. Chapter 8

I went back in and tried on some other things, and each time, Liana insisted that I come out and show both of them how they fit, even though I was wondering why Liana hadn’t decided to try anything on. Oh well, I didn’t mind the extra opinions. Each time I opened the door, Mat seemed to be less and less speechless; either he was getting used to how I looked or he was getting better at hiding his loss for words.

Half an hour later, after discussing my options with Liana, I came out with two pairs of pants, a blouse, and the sundress. I paid, and then we headed out of the store.

“So, where are we going next?” Liana questioned as the three of us walked along the sidewalk in the warm August sun. 

“Are you guys hungry yet? I figured we could go to the delicatessen for lunch.” Mat replied. I opened my phone to check the time, and I noticed it was about 1:30. 

I nodded and signed  _ yeah, I’m hungry!  _

“There’s a delicatessen down the road a bit, and the golf course is right across from it! I figured we could eat and then you two could hold up your end of the deal and play a few holes!” 

Liana chuckled. “Sounds good!”

Fifteen minutes later, we had arrived at the deli. It was tiny, yet comfortable. The three of us were seated in a corner booth. Liana suggested I sit in the middle, so I slid in and she followed on my right, and Mat sat down on my left. The waitress gave us three menus and we browsed them, chatting about what looks good. We ordered, and as the waitress gathered our menus and headed towards the kitchen, the three of us sat in silence.

That is, until Liana said “so.”

“So,” Mat followed up.

_ S-O,  _ I fingerspelled.  _ What’s up? _

“I love that sundress you got, Annabelle. It looks so pretty on you!”

I smiled at her.  _ Thank you.  _

Then I glanced to my left to see Mat looking between both of us. “Yeah, it did.” There was another pause, and then Mat spoke again. “So, I figured we’d go play a few holes after this and then wrap up the day with a stop at The Gourmet Whaler? You guys down?” 

_ What is that?  _ I asked. I glanced at Liana and she looked confused too. 

“Oh, it’s like a bakery. They have ice cream and chocolate and pastries and stuff, and a gift shop.” Mat explained.

“I’m down.” Liana said.

_ Yeah, sounds fun!  _

Just then, our food came. Or Mat’s food came. The waitress set his plate down in front of him, mumbling a quick “the other two will be right out,” and as I stared at the food, I realized how hungry I was. Sitting in the middle of the plate was a delicious-looking BLT sandwich. The two halves each had a toothpick stabbed down the middle to hold it all together. Beside the sandwich was a large pile of fries, and Mat looked at it all as if he was marrying it. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you guys,” he told us, but something told me that was going to be hard for him. 

_ I won’t,  _ I signed before I stole a couple fries off his plate and placed them in my mouth, turning to look at Liana. As she was looking at me, she could see Mat’s face behind me. Her facial expression told me it wasn’t good. 

I slowly turned around and saw his facial expression. He looked like a mixture of sadness, anger, and confusion. Clearly, he wanted to eat every single one of his fries, but I had just stolen that opportunity from him. I chuckled as I swallowed the fry.

The waitress came back and set Liana’s and my meals down in front of us and we stared at all the food we had to eat. Maybe we wouldn’t even be hungry for ice cream after golfing.    
The three of us dug into our food and we ate in silence for a good fifteen or twenty minutes. As we were eating, I allowed my mind to wander to the boy sitting beside me. I could hear the logical part of my brain trying to repeat my rule to me, “I wouldn’t, I  _ couldn’t,  _ fall for him. No matter what.” But my heart wasn’t having it. It felt like the more I tried to commit myself to abiding by it, the more I wanted to break it and allow myself to fall for him. I mean, what’s so wrong about falling for Mat? He’s super sweet and gentle, kind, attractive, stable job, but when you boil it all down, what do I really know about him? I met him, like, a day ago. Sure he’s Liana’s brother, but that just makes things more complicated. I’m honestly not scared about liking him, or us dating. That’s the easy part. There was a certain feeling of euphoria when Adrian and Emma dated; I could hang out with them, and everything felt right. But when they broke up, everything fell apart. Emma couldn’t look at me without thinking of Adrian, and Adrian blamed me for his broken heart because I helped them get together in the first place. I knew that if I dated Mat, that would eventually happen, and then I wouldn’t only lose him, I’d lose Liana too. My final decision didn’t change, I couldn’t date him. Not now, not ever.


	9. Chapter 9

After we finished eating and Mat paid for our meals (I thanked him several times), we headed across the street for a couple holes of golf. We wandered over to the little shack which held all the clubs and other equipment, as well as the front desk. Mat paid, again, which he told me not to thank him for. Liana must be used to it by now. ‘My brother’s a superstar NHLer, making millions of dollars a year. He can afford to buy three people lunch and pay for a few holes of golf.’ It still felt like a very sweet gesture, and I felt like I had to thank him. 

Finally, we made it onto the course. Mat knew exactly which clubs to use and hence was probably going to end up on top, but I guess it was a learning experience.    
“Okay, you two better make this worth going into a boutique for,” he commented as we arrived at the first hole.

“Hey, I thought you liked going in there! Plus Annabelle found some really cool clothes. You liked the sundress, didn’t you?” 

Mat’s eyes immediately met mine, but a split second later they pulled away. “Yeah, it was really pretty. Okay. Now, onto golf. Liana, I know you haven’t played before, Annabelle, have you?” 

I just shook my head. There was no need to sign when I didn’t need to.

“Alright. So, who wants to go first?” Liana glanced at me. “Annabelle, wanna give it a go?” Mat nudged. I shrugged, hesitantly stepping forward. He handed me the club he had been holding, then he started explaining things.    


Okay. So you wanna start with your feet set shoulder width apart, and when you hold the club, your hands are like this.” He paused to demonstrate the different angles of his hands on the club, and then he stepped behind me to show me. There were zings of electricity rushing through every single one of my veins right now. He was so close, I could feel his breath on my neck. He had his arms wrapped around me, his hands placed gently on top of mine on the club. 

“So, you’re gonna just bring it up like this….” he brought the club up behind him, “and then swing,” which he did. Or I did. I don’t know. Either way, the ball went far. As Mat stepped away, I could feel the sun’s rays on my arms, but it didn’t feel as warm as his arms wrapped around me or his body that close to mine. 

As if I had been asleep and I just woke up, I recognized the thoughts that were running through my mind. Oh my gosh, Annabelle, why can’t you get him out of your head? You’ve got to stop thinking about him like that! But I couldn’t help wondering, why did I constantly feel drawn to him? Why couldn’t I stop myself from thinking about him like that? He just does things to me that I couldn’t control and I hate that I feel so helpless around him. As forcefully as I could, I pushed those thoughts out the door. Off the cliff. Broke up with them. Done. No more. Bye-bye. But I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be that easy.


	10. Chapter 10

An hour later, it was almost 4. We had played three holes of golf and decided to go get ice cream. The walk back to the Gourmet Whaler took about twenty minutes, but it was filled with some casual conversation. 

Finally we got back to where the boutique was, and the ice cream shop was right beside it. Mat opened the door first, and I followed Liana inside. This place was quaint, cozy. The floors were dark wood and the walls were white. It appeared as though they also served meals, breakfast and lunch.

“I know what I want,” Mat declared after briefly looking through the glass at all the tubs of ice cream. He had his hands tucked in his pockets and there was a smirk on his face. He started rocking back and forth on his shoes like a little kid, and honestly, it was kind of adorable. 

Liana and I were still browsing the many different tubs of ice cream and finally I settled on mint chocolate chip.  _ Okay, I’ve already decided.  _ I told Liana. She confirmed my sign for decide and then signed it a few times to ensure it stuck in her head. I always admired it when she did that because it showed she was really trying to remember it. 

“Okay, I’m good.” Mat stepped up to the counter and told the guy he wanted a small bubblegum cone, and as he was ordering, Liana asked me what I wanted so she could order for me. Also, bubblegum??

Liana ordered her small cone of cookie dough ice cream for herself and my mint chocolate chip. 

After we got our ice cream, we decided we should eat outside. As we dug in, I asked Mat a question.

_ So, why bubblegum?  _

“Why bubblegum?” I nodded. “I dunno, it’s just always been my favorite. How about you, mint chocolate chip?”

_ You can’t go wrong with mint chocolate chip,  _ I told him. He shrugged. 

“You also can’t go wrong with chocolate chip cookie dough either,” Liana commented. 

_ True.  _ I glanced at her and signed. 

As I was licking the ice cream off the cone, I could feel a little on my nose, and I saw Mat immediately notice too. He couldn’t stop the smallest smirk from tugging at the corners of his lips as he put his finger to his nose. “You got a little…” He chuckled. 

I felt my cheeks heat up as my index finger rushed up to my nose. I felt the cold dessert along my fingers, so I grabbed a napkin and rubbed it off. 

“There you go, that’s better.” He let out a short laugh again and smiled. “That was cute.” 

I rolled my eyes, but smiled at him, and I couldn’t help laughing a little bit as well, and Liana was chuckling too. 

I liked this feeling; hanging out with the two of them, laughing, having a good time, and I didn’t want to lose this. Ever. 


	11. Chapter 11

An hour later, Liana and I had barely managed to survive the car ride home, because Mat hadn’t forgotten to play Nickelback. We had exchanged glances several times at his song choices and rolled our eyes as he sang along. 

He dropped us off at our dorm around 5:15 and as glad as I was to get away from the music, I felt myself not wanting to leave Mat. The thought of having classes tomorrow surfaced in my mind and I sighed, not excited for the stress of lectures and homework. 

For the rest of the evening, Liana and I decided to heat up some Ramen, watch another hockey game, and practice some signing. She had started making a list of signs and phrases that she wanted to learn, and my heart melted at the fact that she was making such an effort. I chuckled at her list, but showed her all the signs anyway. After she learned them, I stole the list and quizzed her. Turns out she has a good memory, because she remembered all the signs easily. 

We both went to bed early, because my first class was at 8:00, and hers was at 8:15 tomorrow morning. I know. Way too early for my liking, but I didn’t have a choice. 

The next morning, I lazily opened my eyes and checked the clock, which read 7:08. I rolled over and stretched, but tried my best to open my eyes and step out of bed. I threw open the curtains and blew out the candles that were on the bookshelf. I also shoved Liana a few times and she groaned. “Whattt? It’s too earlyyyy.” She rolled over and pulled the blankets tighter over herself. It was times like this that I hated the fact that I didn’t have a voice, because I couldn’t tell her “Liana, you have to wake up now. Your class starts in an hour.” I couldn’t talk to her unless she was looking at me, and that would take some effort. But I had an idea. 

I pulled up my phone and opened Google Translate, typing out that exact message. Then I hit the little speaker button and listened to Google speak my words out loud. 

“I don’t wanna get up yettt…” she mumbled. I deleted my phrase and retyped “you have to,” listening to Google say it out loud. 

“Whyyyy???” 

“You don’t have a choice. Your class starts in an hour.” I ‘said.’

“MMMMMM,” she groaned. “Nooooo.” 

“We can get bagels and yogurt from the student center.” Google told her.

“Fine. But if I’m cranky it’s because you woke me up so early.” She pushed the covers off of her and sat up, her feet touching the floor. She kept her eyes closed though. 

I grabbed her hand and pulled her off the bed until she was standing up. 

Lazily, she opened her eyes halfway and trudged to the bathroom. I started shifting through my closet to try to figure out what to wear, something I should have done with Liana last night before going to bed. Well, too late now. I finally chose an outfit and laid it out on my bed, stripping out of my pajamas and pulling on my slightly ripped skinny jeans and off-white sweater. I quickly rubbed on some makeup over my cheeks and eyes and then pulled my long curly blonde hair into a half-up half-down ponytail. It might have only taken me about 10 minutes to get dressed and do my hair and makeup, but I felt good; like I was ready to take on this day. Liana came out of the bathroom about 8 minutes after I was finished getting dressed, and she looked minimally more awake than she was when she went in. 

I opened my phone to check the time: 7:28. I had half an hour to be in my seat in the lecture hall, and I haven’t even had breakfast yet. I went back to Google and typed “Liana you gotta hurry up, my class starts in thirty minutes and we haven’t even eaten yet,” then hit the playback button. 

“I know, I know, I’m going as fast as I can,” she said as she rushed around the room gathering clothes, changing, brushing her hair, and applying her makeup. By the time she was done, it was 7:43. I was getting more and more anxious by the second, but less than a minute later she was the one pulling me out the door. 

I had considered skipping breakfast and eating something between my second and third classes, where I had almost a 2 hour break, but I decided to grab a tube of yogurt, hoping that it would hold me over until I had time to grab something more. 

I quickly downed the yogurt and tossed it in the trash can before saying a quick ‘bye’ to Liana (she wished me good luck), and heading towards my lecture hall. When I sat down, the clock on the wall read 7:57. I had been so sure that I was going to be late that I actually made myself early.


	12. Chapter 12

There I sat, in my lecture hall. Listening to my professor go through the syllabus that she had handed us. I knew that this was important, listing out all the rules for the entire semester. How things were graded. Her late policy. But for some reason I couldn’t stop replaying all the moments that happened yesterday at Cold Spring Harbor in my mind. 

_ Liana continued to play with my hair and finally Mat spoke.  _ _ “How do you sign sunshine?”  _

_ “Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you guys,” he told us, but something told me that was going to be hard for him.  _ _ "I won’t", I signed before I stole a couple fries off his plate and placed them in my mouth, turning to look at Liana. _

_ There were zings of electricity rushing through every single one of my veins right now. He was so close, I could feel his breath on my neck. He had his arms wrapped around me, his hands placed gently on top of mine on the club.  _

_ As I was licking the ice cream off the cone, I could feel a little on my nose, and I saw Mat immediately notice too. He couldn’t stop the smallest smirk from tugging at the corners of his lips as he put his finger to his nose. “You got a little…” He chuckled. _

I pictured him, his gorgeous face, his midnight black hair, his sparkling hazel eyes, his sunshine smile. I realized I missed him. I wondered when I would see him next. What kinds of things would we do the next time we all hang out? I allowed my mind to wander before a voice reeled me back in. 

“Ahem, Ms. Shepherd, are you paying attention?” Professor Finley announced.

_ Oh, yeah. Sorry.  _ I signed. I had an interpreter sitting in the corner of the room, only speaking whenever I lifted my hands to sign. Because of the fact that I was hearing, she wasn’t required to interpret what the professor was saying. Even if she had been, though, I wouldn’t have been paying attention. 

“Good. We are going over some important content on the syllabus, and it may be in your best interest to pay attention.” She looked back down at the paper syllabus in front of her, and I laid my cheek on my fist, immediately going back to that comfortable place that was daydreaming about Mat. 


	13. Chapter 13

My phone buzzed. It was an unknown number, texting me. “Hey Annabelle,” “It’s Mat :)” “Liana gave me your number,” the 3 separate messages read.

I smiled. It had been three weeks since classes started, and I hadn’t heard very much from Mat. Occasionally, Liana would tell me that he told her to tell me hey as they texted, but I hadn’t heard anything from him directly. 

I excitedly typed back to him “hey! It’s been a while, how are things?” Bubbles popped up; he was typing.

“Good! Training camp started today, and a lot of the guys were talking about meeting at Shake Shack in Garden City after practice tomorrow, so I was thinking you and Liana could drop by, if you guys have time? When do you both get out of class tomorrow?” 

As much as I should be annoyed at him for dropping off the planet for a few weeks, I couldn’t stop myself from being happy about his invitation. I slowly texted back “Sure, sounds fun! My last class of the day ends at 3:45, and I'm pretty sure Liana’s ends at 4:15 (might wanna check with her tho).” 

Bubbles. I waited for his message to pop up, and his bubbles came and dropped out a few times, but eventually it came. “Okay! So you’re down to come? I’ll pick up you and liana if she can come on the way from the rink to shake shack.”

I quickly did some calculating in my head. I may have only been here about three and a half weeks, but I had gotten good at navigating around the island. It was about 40 minutes from the rink to here, and another 45 from here to Garden City. 

“Mat that’s almost a one and a half hour drive from the rink to here to shake shack. It’s like a 7 minute drive from the rink to shake shack, are you sure you wanna drive that long? The guys might be done hanging out by the time we get back there. Also liana and I can take an uber and then you don’t have to go out of your way to get us.” 

Again, he started typing and I set my phone on vibrate before tucking it in my pocket and heading towards my dorm. My classes were done for the day and I was about to go relax for a bit. Liana had another 25 minutes of lab before she was done for the day too. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket as I entered Rathus. I pulled it out, reading Mat’s message as I walked up the stairs. 

“Yeah i know it’s a long drive, but we talked about it and I think most of the guys would wanna go home for a little bit first. So our practice ends at 3:30 and we were planning to meet at SS at 5, so if I hurry out of the rink and head straight to campus to pick up you and liana and then head to Garden City we can be there by 5 or just after. Don’t worry it’ll be fine ;)” I smiled at this message, especially his winky face at the end. This was the Mat I knew; willing to go out of his way for others, sweet. And don’t forget flirty. 


	14. Chapter 14

The next day, my classes were over at 3:45. Liana’s ended at 4, but we knew that Mat wouldn’t get here until 4:05 or 4:10. 

A little later, Mat’s car pulled up in a rush and Liana and I hurried over and hopped in. We had considered trying to get food before going to meet the rest of the team, but figured since it was happening at a restaurant, there wasn’t much point. “Hey,” Mat smiled at me as Liana and I got in and shut the doors. 

“Hey bro,” Liana commented. I still forgot that they were siblings every now and then. 

As we got on the Interstate, Mat was going pretty fast, and I could tell he was in a hurry to get to the restaurant. The time said 4:21 and Mat started an easy conversation, despite the fact that we were going 73mph on the freeway right now. 

“How were your days?” 

_ Good,  _ I signed. 

“It was alright, my world history lecture seemed to last forever this morning.” 

Mat tilted his head back towards Liana for an instant, and then turned his eyes back to the road. “Oh yeah? What’d you guys talk about?” 

Liana rolled her eyes. “Ugh, I don’t know. Like Mesopotamia or something.”

Mat chuckled. “Oh I remember that from world history in high school. That was rough. How about you Annabelle, what classes did you have today?” 

“I had English this morning, then ASL, then a break, then my last class for the day was human development” _.  _ I typed into Google and played aloud. Mat glanced at me; clearly he wasn’t expecting Google to say my answer.

“Hey that’s cool! You can have Google be your voice!” He said. 

“Yeah. Usually I prefer my hands to be my voice though.” Google read. 

He shrugged. “True.”

“But in situations like these, where it's hard for liana to see my signing, and you can't watch me because you're driving, it's easiest to use Google.”

Mat nodded understandingly. “Yeah. That makes total sense.”

Our conversation continued for a bit, and I kinda enjoyed having Google be my voice. I kept that idea tucked in my back pocket for when I was meeting the rest of Mat’s team. 

“Do your teammates know that I can’t talk?” I typed and played.

“I told a few of them about your signing, but not all of them. Don’t worry though, they’re great. They’ll love you,” he reassured me. He glanced to meet my eyes a few times as he spoke, instantly turning right back to the road. As much as I loved looking at his eyes, I’d rather we don’t crash.

Twenty minutes later, Mat pulled into the Shake Shack parking lot and turned off the car. “Alright, we’re here! Are you guys nervous?” 

Liana shrugged. “Nope, not really!” she said, hopping out of the car. Mat looked at me for a second after Liana had closed her door. 

“Don’t worry. I know that you’re nervous, but you’ll have Liana to voice for you, you have Google if you need it, and you have me. If you don’t want me to leave your side, let me know, okay? I’m there.” 

I nodded. I had my hand resting on the console in between our seats and as Mat’s eyes held eye contact with me, he rested his hand on top of mine. That feeling of electricity that I felt on Saturday came rushing back and I glanced down to see his hand gently covering my own, then looked back up and once again met his eyes. They were filled with the same look as at the boutique, when he saw me in the sundress, and that word came back to me:  _ admire _ . 

_ Okay. I think I can do this.  _ I signed and Mat smiled.

“Atta girl. I’ll be right beside you if you need anything. Stay there.” He opened his drivers side door and got out, and I watched as he walked around the car to my side. He opened the door and held out his hand. I took it and climbed out of the car. Surprisingly, Mat didn’t let go of my hand right away. I was mentally preparing myself for hearing the team comment about me and ask if I was his girlfriend. I’d just tell them no. No big deal. Deep breath, in, out.

“You okay?” He asked softly. I nodded. “Alright. Let’s do this.” He opened the door and led me inside.


	15. Chapter 15

“Do you wanna go sit down?” Mat asked gently and pointed to a booth, turning to make eye contact with me. I thought about it for a second, and then decided that I wanted to stay with Mat. I caught a glimpse of Liana in the middle of the crowd, and it looked like she was having a friendly conversation with Tito. 

_ Actually, I’d rather stay with you and chat.  _

Mat shrugged. “Okay, sure. Do you want me to introduce you to some of the guys?” 

I nodded and shrugged.  _ Sure!  _

“Okay, Jordan Eberle is over here I think. Gary!” Ebs turned around, and once he saw Mat, smiled. 

“Hey Barzy! What’s up man?” They shook hands and then Jordan’s eyes fell on me. “You must be Annabelle!”

I nodded, not sure if he was one of the ones that Mat had told about me being mute.

“I told you she’s mute, right? She signs,” Mat told him. I made a mental note to thank him later for that. 

“Oh yeah! That’s right, I think you told me that. Sign language has long been on my bucket list but I just never got around to learning it. It’s a really beautiful language!” 

_ Yeah, it definitely is!  _

“Has Mat been learning?”

_ A little… _ I signed as Mat said “a lil bit.”  _ He knows basic words, like thank you, cute, sunshine, …  _ I looked at him as I signed sunshine and I saw his cheeks turn a little pink. A brief image of being in the boutique that Sunday came to me, and then I flashed back to reality.

“Oh cool! Actually Lauren, my wife, would probably love to meet you! She’s mentioned wanting to learn ASL for a while but she hasn’t been able to find a good place to start. Maybe you’d be able to teach her the basics, or if not, give her some resources?” 

I nodded eagerly, and I could see Mat watching me from the corner of my eyes.  _ Yeah! I’d love to do that! Mat can give you my number and you can give it to her, and we can work something out!  _

“Sounds perfect!” 

Cal was trying to tell Jordan something, so Mat gently placed his hand on my lower back and said “Do you wanna go meet Tito?”

_ Yesssss!!!!!  _ I signed excitedly.  _ I bet you told him all about me.  _

He chuckled and rolled his eyes, smiling, and then he shrugged. “I might have mentioned you…..once.”

I jokingly elbowed his side. 

As we approached Tito and Liana, I noticed that it seemed like they were more than just chatting. Liana was laughing and she jokingly slapped his arm as he finished his joke. Was it just me or was there a future couple in our midst?

“Ayy, the man is here!” Tito exclaimed. They engaged in a bro-type hug and Liana and I exchanged glances. As they pulled away, Tito laid his eyes on me. “And I finally get to meet Mat’s girl! You should have seen him in practice this morning, he wouldn’t shut up about you.”

I smiled and turned to look at Mat, and he was shaking his head and rolling his eyes with the tiniest of smirks on his face.

_ So… you talk about me?  _

Tito understood somehow and said “Oh, all the time.” 

“Don’t listen to him,” Mat told me. 

“I’m not making this up!” Tito countered. “Ask the other guys!” 

“Hey, Barzy!” A voice from behind us called. Mat turned around, and I saw the captain of the team, Anders Lee, walking towards our group. “Could I borrow you for a minute?” and then he turned to me and added “Would it be okay if I borrowed your boyfriend for a minute?” 

_ Sure, go ahead.  _

Anders turned towards the rest of the crowd and Mat followed him, glancing back at me for a short moment. 

“Wait are you guys actually together?” Tito questioned. I chuckled and shook my head. “Ohh. Well I wasn’t kidding earlier. He really does talk about you all the time.” I raised my eyebrows, intrigued, and glanced at Liana. She was looking at me too.

_ What does he say? _

“All sorts of things. Yesterday he mentioned your trip to CSH a few weeks ago and he said something about a sundress? I’m not sure exactly, but he mentioned thinking you looked gorgeous.

_ Interesting,  _ I signed. 

“He also told me that he couldn’t figure out how to text you. He said he’d had your number for a couple weeks but didn’t know what to say, and then I suggested asking you and Liana if you wanted to meet the rest of us. I guess that’s what he did.” 

Just then Mat returned. “What’d I miss?” He asked. 

Tito shook his head. “Not much.”

_ Nothing,  _ I signed.

Mat shrugged. “Okay.” 

I looked at Liana and signed  _ eat?  _ She nodded. 

“Annabelle and I are gonna go get some food,” she told the boys and then grabbed my hand as she ducked between them, leading me towards the counter. 

We discussed what looked good and then decided what we wanted and ordered.

After we got our food, we sat down at a booth along the wall. Liana sat on one side and I sat on the other. Not even a minute later, Mat and Tito sat down beside me and Liana, respectively.

“Wonderful choices,” Tito commented, eyeing mine and Liana’s food. 

Mat, without hesitation, snatched a fry off my plate and bit into it, avoiding eye contact with me. I jokingly slapped his arm, and then he turned to look at me. “Hey, a fry for a fry.” He winked and I rolled my eyes, smiling. 

“Is this the girl we’ve all heard so much about?” I turned to look at the end of the table and saw Casey Cizikas glancing at all of us, but mostly between me and Mat. 

“Oh, Annabelle, this is Casey. Casey, Annabelle. She’s mute, so she uses ASL to communicate,” Mat introduced us. Casey reached his hand out and I shook it politely.

_ It’s so nice to meet you.  _ Mat told him what I said and he nodded. 

“Same goes to you, Mat has definitely mentioned you on more than one occasion.” 

“Told ya,” Tito said, looking at me. 

“So, what do you think Coach is gonna have us do tomorrow Zeeker?” Mat asked, trying to sneakily change the subject. 

Casey glanced at me for a second and then back at Mat, shrugging. 

“I’m not sure, maybe some more strength drills.” 

Mat nodded. I noticed that Tito was glancing between us, a tiny smirk pulling at the edges of his lips. I wondered what was going on in the brain of my- of Mat’s best friend. 

Casey and Mat finished their conversation and Casey walked back to his table, while Mat turned to Tito and Liana, but not before glancing at me first. I realized how hazel his eyes were; they were really pretty.


	16. Chapter 16

“HEY BARZY!” A deep voice called over all the chatter. The room went quiet and we looked over to see Matt Martin standing up. 

“What’s up?” Mat replied. 

“Most of us haven’t met your girl yet and we’ve heard too much about her to not meet her.” It was my turn to blush now. I had tried to push myself a little bit out of my comfort zone in terms of meeting people, but this was a jump I wasn’t sure I was willing to take. 

Mat glanced back at me and signed,  _ do you want me to introduce you to them?  _ My heart melted at how he was signing so that no one else would be able to understand. 

My eyes wandered around the room, jumping from face to face to face. These guys were Mat’s teammates, friends, and, in cases like Tito, practically brothers. Did I trust Mat enough to put me on the spot in front of everyone? My eyes went back to Mat’s reassuring gaze, and finally I replied  _ Sure, but don’t make it last too long.  _

_ Of course,  _ he replied.  _ We’ll keep it short and sweet _ . 

“Okay, this is Annabelle, she’s Liana’s roommate, and one of my friends as well. She’s also mute, so she can hear you but she can’t talk back. She uses American Sign Language,  _ ASL _ …” he fingerspelled ASL as he was talking, “to communicate with people. And that’s it.” 

The entire room filled with the majority of the team saying “Hi Annabelle!” and waving at me. I smiled and waved back at them. Then everything went back to normal and they all continued eating.

_ Sorry about that, they were curious.  _ Mat signed to me. I noticed Liana watching him, and I assumed she could also understand. Poor Tito. 

_ It’s fine, you did a good job summing me up.  _

The rest of the evening was pretty laid back. Mat, Tito, Liana and I hung out in the booth and chatted about the team and how the boys are excited for the season to start, and then they asked Liana and I about how our classes are going. The conversation was easygoing, and I really enjoyed being there. 

Not much later, some of Mat’s teammates started heading out. It would be dark soon, and I knew a lot of them had wives and kids to get home to. I couldn’t say from experience, but I have a feeling that it would be nice to go home to your family after spending a whole day with your other family. 

About half the team, or maybe a little bit more, had cleared out when Mat asked Liana and I if we wanted to head back to campus. 

“Actually, Liana was gonna ride with me. I told her I’d take her back,” Tito replied. 

I glanced at Mat, and he looked between his sister and his best friend, curiously. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his head, and also what Tito and Liana were up to. 

“It’s okay, I can take her,” Mat said. I could hear the protective-older-brother in his voice. 

“I told her I’d show her something on the way back to campus.”

Mat gave Tito a look, and I made a mental note to never get on Mat’s bad side. 

“Fine. You better have her back on campus like ten minutes after Annabelle and I get there, okay?”

“Yes, Barzy, no worries. Ten minutes later. I promise.” 

“Alright.” He glanced at Liana in that protective way that older brothers do. I know because I’ve seen Adrian look at me that way before. Not often, but a few times. 

The four of us exited the restaurant and Liana followed Tito to his car. She waved at me as Tito unlocked the doors, and I waved back right before I climbed into the passenger seat beside Mat. He started up the engine and pulled out without saying anything.


	17. Chapter 17

The silence shouldn’t have been this loud, but it was. The air was tense because Mat was on edge, and I could tell he was concerned about Liana. I wondered why, though. Aren’t he and Tito best friends? I guess they can be best friends, but that means Mat knows Tito. And older brothers don’t always want their younger sisters dating their best friends.    
Finally, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I opened Google Translate on my phone and typed a message. 

“Are you okay?” 

He took a slow, deep breath, and then said, “Yeah. I’m just concerned about her. Is that wrong?” 

I deleted my words and re-typed “No, not at all. She’s your little sister. As an older brother, you have every right to be concerned.”

“And I know Tito, and it’s not that I think he would hurt her or anything, but-” he sighed again. 

I watched him as he drove, not taking his eyes from the road. He had his left hand on the wheel and the other hand resting in his lap. I gently rubbed his shoulder, and when he felt my hand on his arm, glanced at me for a split second. 

“Adrian felt the same about me sometimes.” I typed and ‘spoke.’ 

Mat glanced at me again. “Who’s Adrian?” He asked, looking back at the interstate in front of him.

“He’s my brother.” 

“Ohh. He’s older than you?” 

“Yeah, by a year.” There were pauses in between Mat’s questions and my answers because I had to delete the previous words and type my new reply, but I don’t think he minded. I didn’t mind either, since this was basically the only way we could have a conversation right now. 

“Do you trust Tito?” I typed and played.

He paused, then said, “yeah. I trust him with my life.” 

“Then you should trust him with your sister, too.” Google read.

“But it’s different. I trust him with me, but trusting him with my sister is a whole different situation.”

“Listen Mat, I totally get that you’re worried about her. Do you really think he’d hurt her though?”

Mat paused, then shook his head. “No, I don’t. I think he knows that he’d have to answer to me if he did and our friendship is too close for him to want to do that. Or maybe he knows that I wouldn’t want to destroy the friendship if he hurt her, so he figures he’d be off the hook.”    
I rolled my eyes, smiling. “Mat.” 

He glanced at me for another short moment, then looked back at the road. “What?”

“You're psyching yourself out thinking about all the possibilities. Just trust Anthony to bring her back to campus and it'll be fine, I promise.” I gently rubbed his shoulder for a second before bringing my hand back to my phone.

“How did I end up with a friend as awesome as you?” He smiled, still looking at the road.

“I don’t know. You got lucky, I guess.”

He smiled, glancing at me one more time before turning his eyes back to the road. He took the exit and we got off the interstate. We’d be at campus in a couple minutes, but I could tell Mat was still a little anxious about where his sister and best friend had gone off to.


	18. Chapter 18

Mat and I sat in his car and chatted. He had turned off the engine and unclicked his seatbelt so he could face me. This time I didn’t have to use Google Translate because I could sign. I noticed the pace of my signing was a little faster, but Mat was keeping up. He only asked me about a sign once. I was so proud of how far he was coming with understanding me and it made me feel so lucky to have a couple friends that were learning my language. No one had since Emma. 

We chatted more about what classes I had been taking, my thoughts on the professors, how I was handling homework, and if I had met any other friends. Once, I tried to steer the conversation to Mat, but he seemed too focused on me to allow the conversation to veer towards him, he always brought it back to me and what was going on in my life.

Nine and a half minutes later, Tito pulled into the parking spot next to us, glancing into my window. Mat looked past me at him and then turned and got out of his car. 

I followed Mat’s lead and opened my door, stepping out to find him standing between the two vehicles. 

“Where’d you guys go?” 

“We just took a really short drive through Garden City and then headed back here,” Tito explained. Liana looked at her brother and nodded.

I waited for Mat to say something else about how they should have been back sooner or something, but instead he simply said “Was it fun?” 

“Yeah!” Liana said, walking towards me. It looked like she was ready to go back to the dorm in a hurry, so I quickly turned to Mat and signed  _ thanks for the ride.  _

“Of course.” He gave a little wave and Liana grabbed my hand, eagerly heading towards Rathus.

I glanced back at Mat as I was being dragged towards the residence hall by my deranged roommate, and I saw him watch me be pulled away. I wondered what was so important for Liana to feel the need to rush me towards the dorm, but I followed her anyway, excited to find out why. 

When we got back, she sat on her bed and I sat on my bed and she started talking.   
“Okay so you know Tito right?” 

_ Yes I know Tito.  _

“Okay just making sure. He’s so funny! And really fun to talk to!” 

I looked at her for a second.  _ Are you saying… you like him? _

“Is it bad if I do? Is it weird because he’s my brother’s best friend?” 

_ No, I don’t think so. I think Mat might be protective of you though.  _

She nodded. “Yeah, he always has been. In 9th grade, I dated this guy for like 2 months, and then he dumped me and I went a few days without getting out of bed. Mat bought me flowers and food and watched a movie with me. He’s just the kind of brother that does those things for his little sister, ya know?” She chuckled, then added, “he even offered to go beat up the guy, but I told him not to.” 

_ From what I know about him, he’s just that kind of guy. He’s protective of the people he cares about.  _

“Yeah exactly. But he knows Tito, so that would work in my favor, right?”

_ I think it could really benefit you, or make it really hard for you. On one hand, he knows Tito, and he knows you. He’d be the one to recognize that you two would not fit together, or the one to realize that you two would be perfect. Maybe he thinks you deserve better. There’s really no way to tell.  _

She looked a little disappointed. “Yeah.”

_ Only time will tell, but don’t lose hope.  _

Liana looked at me and nodded, smiling. “I just … like him.”

_ I know.  _

Liana stood up off the bed and walked over to me. She wrapped her arms around me in a close hug and I hugged her back. “I’m so lucky to have a best friend like you, Annabelle,” she said. You’re not the only one, I thought.


	19. Chapter 19

That night, for some reason, I found it hard to sleep. I had gotten into bed at 10:45 or so, but here I was at 12:30, restless. Instead of closing my eyes and trying to whisk myself into a state of peaceful sleep, all I did was stare at the ceiling. I couldn’t stop my brain from demanding that I don’t like Mat, or replaying images of Emma in my head. Emma: the one person I thought would stick by me through anything and everything is now a complete stranger to me. I don’t know where she is, how she’s doing, or anything about her. Would that be me and Liana in a couple years if I dated Mat but things didn’t work out? I’d like to think that we would stick through everything together, because that’s the kind of person that she is. But then again, I thought Emma was that kind of person too, and look where we are now. 

The next morning, Mat texted. It started with a simple “good morning” and then we talked on and off for the rest of the day. I had lectures to sit through, and he had practice. But we still managed to talk. A lot. I was feeling this inner conflict more than ever, because I liked talking to him, I knew that. But every time I thought about ignoring this stupid fear of mine, I wondered about Emma, and I knew that there was such a big possibility of Liana ending up a stranger to me if it all fell apart. 

About two weeks later, it was the first week of October, and I couldn’t believe how fast the time was going. It felt like a couple days ago that I made it onto campus and met Liana for the first time. 

As I was unlocking the door to the room after class one day, I felt my phone start buzzing in my pocket. I opened the door and set my backpack down, giving a quick wave to Liana before pulling it out of my pocket. Mat was calling me. Did he remember that I didn’t have a voice? Oh well, Liana is here too. I answered it and clicked the speaker button.

_ Say hey,  _ I told her. 

“Hey Mat!” she said. 

“Hey sis, did I call you? I thought I called Annabelle.” She looked at me and almost started laughing. I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “No, you called Annabelle but she doesn’t have a voice remember? She just got back to her room and she put it on speaker so I can talk for her.”

“Oh shoot I forgot. Wow, where is my brain? '' he let out a short laugh and then continued talking. “Anyway, our first home game is tomorrow night and I thought you both would want to come? I can get tickets for you so don’t worry about that. Do either of you have class tomorrow evening?” 

Liana and I looked at each other, her eyebrows raised. “Do you want to go?” she whispered.

_ Yes I want to go! I grew up watching hockey, I love going to games!  _ I signed quickly. I had a feeling she only caught a portion of that, but she recognized my excitement and took it as a yes. 

“We’d love to go! My classes are over at 1:40 tomorrow afternoon, and Annabelle’s finish at….” she looked at me and I signed  _ 2:15,  _ “2:15. We can grab a quick snack and then take an Uber over there.” 

“Or I could come pick you guys up?” Mat offered. 

“No. You’re not driving an hour and a half both ways to pick us up. We can take an Uber, it’s fine.”

“Are you sure sis? I really don’t mind.” 

_ Tell him I say he has to stay there.  _ Liana smiled and said “Annabelle says you have to stay there.” 

“Oh, well okay. If Belle wants me to stay, then I’ll stay. You sure you want to take an Uber though? I can probably ask the guys if one of their wives could pick you both up, if you’d want? I know some of them live pretty close to campus.”

We exchanged glances, and I shrugged. _ Sure.  _

“Sure, if it’s not too much trouble,” she told him.

“Nah it’ll be fine! And Belle, remember Ebs said Lauren was trying to learn ASL? Maybe I’ll ask him first.” 

I nodded. “Okay, Annabelle is nodding. So, we’ll see you tomorrow I guess!” Liana told her brother.

“Alright! Thanks guys! Bye!” 

“Bye,” Liana said and I hung up. She looked at me. 

_ What?  _ I asked.

“Belle? When did that start?” She questioned inquisitively. 

_ Honestly I’ve never heard him call me that before. First time, on that call.  _

“Hm.” 

I unlocked my phone and typed out a message to Mat: “Belle? Are we trying out nicknames?” 

It took a while, but a few minutes later, he responded “I’m just trying it out ;)”

I got Liana’s attention then asked  _ What’s Mat’s middle name? _

She smiled. “His full name is Mathew Michael Paul Barzal, why?” 

_ Nothing. Just thinking about nicknames.  _

She went back to her studying and I typed back, “Okay Mathew Michael Paul.” Bubbles.

“Hey a nickname is supposed to be shorter, not longer. Also I gotta remember that you’re rooming with my sister O_O.” I chuckled, then pulled my textbook out of my backpack. If I was going to be able to have tomorrow night off, without the sinking thought in the back of my mind that I have assignments due, I should get some work done now. I opened my book and started writing down some notes, despite the nagging excitement about Mat’s game tomorrow. 


	20. Chapter 20

The next afternoon, the sun felt warmer and the sky looked brighter than normal. Maybe it was the excitement about the game in a few hours, but I loved this positive energy that was rushing through me. 

Mat had texted me earlier that morning and informed me that Lauren, Mrs. Eberle, was more than willing to pick up Liana and I and bring us to the game. After working it out with Jordan, Mat let me know that Lauren would probably be at campus around 3:30, which gave Liana and I more than enough time to stop at the student center and grab a quick snack after our classes were over for the day. We both agreed we’d probably eat at the game too, but that wouldn’t be for a few hours at least. 

After we ate, Liana and I headed back to our dorm to get dressed and ready. We still had about 45 minutes until Lauren would get here. 

_ What should I wear?  _ I asked.

“Mmm, you don’t have any Isles gear do you? Do you want to borrow some of mine?”

I thought about it for a minute, then replied  _ nah, that’s okay. I have this really cute dark blue shirt I’ll wear that’s Islanders colored. Thanks for offering though!  _

“Of course!” We got dressed and did our makeup, and once we were done, Liana opened the window and glanced outside. It was 3:25, so we still had a few minutes until Lauren would arrive. 

Two minutes later, at 3:27, Lauren pulled into the parking lot, which Liana informed me of because she had been watching for her. Our dorm window faced the parking lot so it was easy to tell when people arrived. We grabbed everything we needed; wallet, ID, phone, and headed out the door. 

As we were walking to Lauren’s SUV, I turned to Liana and asked  _ do you want to sit in the front? _

She shrugged. “I’m good with whatever.” 

_ Do you think it would be easier to see my signing from the front or the back?  _

“Depends on how much you talk. If I have to turn around every two seconds to see you say something, you being in the front would be better.” 

_ I guess so. I don’t have to talk a lot.  _

“Also Mat didn’t want you to have the front for visibility, you know.” 

_ What do you mean?  _

“I mean, I think he had other reasons for wanting you to sit right beside him.”

We reached the vehicle and I opened the back door. I figured it’d be fine for Liana to take the front for a change, especially if every time we ride with her brother, shotgun is reserved for me.

“Hey you two! How are you guys doin’?” Lauren greeted us. 

“Good! How about you?” Liana replied. 

“Pretty good! Here, let me move that. Actually, Annabelle, this is for you!” She handed me a folded-up blue Islanders hoodie. 

_ Thank you…  _ I signed slowly, trying to make the confusion apparent on my face. She picked up on it and explained.

“Oh, it’s not from me. Jordan told me that Mat gave it to him to give to me to give to you for the game. I guess Mat figured you didn’t have any Islanders gear and would want something to wear, so he brought you his hoodie.” Liana had already sat down in the front, but she turned to me and gave me a look. The look that your friends give you when your crush comes up and talks to you for the first time. 

_ Oh. Thank you!  _ I signed again.

“You’re welcome!” I sat down in the back seat, pulled the hoodie over my head, and then clicked my seatbelt. I couldn’t help but notice the scent in the hoodie. Even though it was pretty big on me, as soon as the aroma hit my nose I wanted to cuddle into it even further. It smelled like fresh cinnamon mixed with pine, and I wanted to drown in the scent. It smelled so good; it smelled like him. 

The whole ride there I was focused on nothing but this hoodie. It was quite big on me too; the sleeves extended a few inches past my fingertips and it was super roomy around my torso. Part of me never wanted to take it off and I hated the idea of having to give it back to Mat, even though of course he would want it back right? It’s his team hoodie. 

I vaguely paid attention to Liana’s conversation with Lauren, but mostly I stared out the window and anticipated game time.

“So Annabelle!” Lauren said. I almost didn’t acknowledge that she had spoken to me because I was so zoned out in my thoughts. I looked towards her and raised my eyebrows. “Did Jordan mention to you that I’ve been trying to find a place to learn ASL?” Liana had turned around, waiting for me to reply.

_ Yeah, I think he brought it up when I met him at Shake Shack a couple weeks ago.  _ Liana voiced for me and I could see Lauren glancing in her rearview at me. 

“Do you have any good suggestions for where or how to start?” 

_ I think you have to start with vocabulary. It’s hard to learn grammar when you don’t know enough words to make a sentence, so try to learn as many signs as you can first. Learn grammar a little later. But also understand that ASL and English are different, so you have to go through the process with a very open mind. _

Liana told Lauren what I had said, and Lauren made the last turn into the Coliseum parking lot. “Sounds like you have some experience teaching ASL?” she inquired. 

_ Not really, it’s just what I know because it’s my language.  _

“Yeah that makes sense.” Lauren pulled into a parking spot and turned off the engine, turning to look at me. “I seriously do want to learn, so if you think of any other tips, please let me know!!” 

_ I will, of course!  _

“Alrighty, should we head inside?” 

“Yeah!” Liana said, opening her door and hopping out. Lauren and I followed her lead and got out of the SUV. We headed towards the Coliseum. 


	21. Chapter 21

As we were walking inside, there were a couple gusts of wind blowing around. It was early October, and even though the other two weren’t shivering, I was cold. I’ve always gotten cold easily, but I have to admit Mat’s hoodie was helping. The sleeves that were too long for me also acted as gloves. I pulled them over my hands and tucked the ends of the sleeves in, so that the wind couldn’t get in. I felt a little bit warmer knowing that Mat had worn this hoodie several times in the past, and I smiled at the thought. 

When we got inside, there was a line to get into the concourse. Everyone had to go through a quick security check, and after we got through, Lauren asked, “So, what do you guys wanna do first?” She glanced at her watch. “It’s only 4:02, so we have an hour and a half, or possibly even more. Depends on if you want to go down and see the players warm up at about 5:30.”

 _Yeah, I want to do that._ Liana voiced for me and Lauren nodded.

“Yeah that’s usually fun. We actually probably have even less time then because the area around the glass fills up really fast.”

“Do we wanna get food? Or Belle,” Liana looked at me in that suggestive way again, “do you wanna go look at merch? That way you won’t have to steal Mat’s hoodie.” 

_But I like Mat’s hoodie. It’s really big on me._

Liana chuckled. “Yeah, I know. But what if he’s not always able to give you his hoodie? Wouldn’t it be nice to have one of your own?” 

Before I could answer, I heard a voice call, “Lauren!” Lauren looked up, and I noticed a tall, blonde woman walking towards us. 

“Hey!” Lauren replied. “Grace, this is Liana, Mat’s sister, and Annabelle, Mat’s girlfriend. She’s mute.” 

_Oh no, I’m not his girlfriend. We’re just friends._ I told her. 

“Oh you’re not? Oh I’m so sorry. He gave you the sweatshirt, so I just assumed… whoops.” She chuckled. 

_It’s fine, I’ve been called worse._ Lauren looked confused, so Liana told her what I said. 

“Anyway, Liana, Annabelle, this is Grace Lee, the captain’s wife.” 

“It’s so nice to meet you both!” She said, shaking our hands. “Are you guys excited for the game?” 

I nodded, and Liana replied “Yeah! I haven’t been to one of my brother’s games in quite a while, so it should be fun.”

Grace nodded. “And we’re hoping for a win over St. Louis, so it should be a good game to watch.” 

“Sydney and Meghan are waiting for us, I told them I’d come find you,” Grace told Lauren. 

Lauren turned towards us and asked “are you guys good if I go? Will you have a ride back?” 

Liana and I looked at each other, but before either of us could say anything, Lauren pulled out her phone. 

“You know what, actually, here. I’ll give you both my number so you have it if you need it.”

After the three of us exchanged numbers, Grace and Lauren waved goodbye and headed down the concourse and out of view.

“So, what do you wanna do first?” Liana asked.

 _I can’t believe she thought I was his girlfriend,_ I told her.

“Oh come on, it’s not that far off. Mat brings you his hoodie, calls you Belle, you both might as well be dating.” 

I rolled my eyes and lightly slapped her arm, smiling. “You’re not going to convince me that you haven’t thought about dating him. Because I know up in that brain of yours, you have.” 

_Let’s go get food._ I tried to veer the subject in another direction, because I was afraid of what Liana was saying. She was right, I had thought about it. How would anyone in my position not think about it? Mat is hella attractive, but also sweet, flirty, caring, respectful, kind, smart, and something about him feels so much like...home. But I could not and would not allow history to repeat itself. I never wanted to lose him, or Liana, and as far as I knew, Adrian and Emma hadn’t talked since their breakup a year and a half ago. I would so much rather have secret feelings for Mat then lose him and my best friend. Besides, it was still fun to be his friend.

Liana rolled her eyes. “Sure, let’s go get food. What do you want?” she asked.

_I was thinking a pretzel._

“Oooo with salt or cinnamon?” 

_If you get one, I’ll get the other, and we can share?_

“Sounds good to me.” We headed towards a concession stand and got in line, and when it was our turn, ordered one cinnamon and one salt pretzel. I volunteered to split the cost with Liana but she paid, insisting that I don’t worry about it.

We found a seat and sat down, tearing apart the pretzels and exchanging bites of each. 

“So,” Liana said between bites. “I don’t mind if you like my brother you know.” 

I was still chewing but I could reply to her. Being able to communicate with your mouth full was one of the many benefits of ASL. _It’s good you don’t mind, but you don’t have to because I don’t._

She had finished chewing, so she replied, “Oh really?” 

_Really._

“You mean when he basically called you sunshine in the boutique, when you stole a fry from his at the deli, when he taught you how to swing a golf club, when he drove you back to campus after meeting the team, when you put on his hoodie just an hour ago, the whole time you felt NOTHING?!” 

_Yes. I felt nothing._

“I don’t believe you Annabelle. Like I said earlier, you’re not going to convince me that you don’t have some feelings for him, even if it’s just a little teeny tiny shot in the dark type feeling, I refuse to believe that you feel nothing.”

I sighed and paused before replying, _but, what if I do? I don’t want to lose you both._

“What? Why would dating Mat make you lose us?” 

_Just- I’m scared that if something went wrong, everything would fall apart. He wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore, and you’d be mad at me for hurting your brother, and I’d rather stay like this, friends with you both, than try to date Mat and lose you both._

“Annabelle-”

 _Look. You are my best friend. Those are hard to come by for me, because not everyone is willing to learn a whole new language just to communicate with me. I know that I’ve told you thank you a hundred times already, but you seriously don’t understand how much this means to me. And Mat is learning too, that means more to me than you will ever know. If Mat and I got together and it didn’t work out, and I lost you both, I don’t know when or if I’d find another friend or group of friends. I_ _can’t_ _lose you, either of you._ I paused for a second, then continued. _Yes, I like him. But I made a promise to myself not to act on those feelings because I can’t risk losing either of you._

“Annabelle, don’t you think you could have explained that?” Liana asked. Her eyes reminded me of her brother’s; sweet, comforting, reassuring.

_I just did._

“Well, yeah, but I kinda want you to like him. Can you imagine how fun it would be if you and I, best friends, date Mat and Tito, best friends? The four of us could go on double dates together, and hang out, and do things, and be super close. I’ve thought about that, a lot actually. I just really want it to happen.” I nodded, understanding where she was coming from. It would be fun to do all those things, especially when two pairs of best friends date each other. “And as far as losing me, you won’t ever lose me. I promise. Right here, right now. If you date Mat and it doesn’t work out, fine. But you’re my best friend too, and I’m sure that if you went through a tough breakup, even if it was with my brother, I’d be there for you through all of it. I promise. I’m in this, we’re best friends for life. Maids of honor at each other’s weddings, no matter who the groom is. I promise. Deal?” Liana extended her hand. 

I smiled at the fact that she could make that promise, but I was a little bit unsure. New emotions could always surface, and who knows what could happen? But the fact that she was willing to stay and fight for me and our friendship meant a lot to me, so I shook her hand. _D-E-A-L._


	22. Chapter 22

An hour later, it was 5:10. Liana and I decided to head down to the glass and wait for the team to come on the ice for warmups. There were already a decent amount of people ready and waiting, and I was sure that there would be plenty more in the next ten or fifteen minutes. The Islanders had one of the most dedicated fan bases in the entire NHL.

When the players came out of the tunnel, I looked for Mat. They had all come out, but I didn’t see him. 

_ Do you see Mat?  _ I asked Liana.

Before she could reply there was a loud crash against the glass in front of us and as I looked to the ice, I realized Mat had come up and jumped into the glass. I smiled and hit the glass as he looped around right in front of Liana and I.

_ Hey Barzy,  _ I signed.

Mat took his glove off and placed it under his other arm.  _ Hey Belle,  _ he fingerspelled with his free hand.  _ So glad you could come.  _

_ Me too. _

_ Was the ride with Lauren okay?  _ He asked.

_ Yeah, it was good.  _

_ I see you got my hoodie.  _ I smiled and cuddled into it further.

_ Yeah, thanks. It’s really comfortable.  _

_ No problem!  _ I heard Tito call Mat’s name, and he turned his head to Tito and then back at us.  _ I gotta get back to warmup, I’ll meet you guys in the lobby after.  _

_ Okay, good luck! See you after!  _ I told him before he skated off.

Throughout warmups, I could tell Liana was watching Tito the whole time, but that’s okay. I was paying attention to Mat, mostly. There were a couple times when Mat skated right in front of me as he stickhandled, and I could have sworn I caught him winking as he passed me. I wasn’t positive, though.

As the clock was ticking to the ever-nearing end of warmups, Mat was the last one on the ice. Liana and I watched him head off the ice quickly as we headed up to our seats. 

It was about 5:56 and puck drop was supposed to happen in 4 minutes. 

The rink lights dimmed and the spotlights came on. The players came onto the benches, starting lineups skated over to the blue lines, and the announcer welcomed the anthem singer. Since we were playing St. Louis, only the American anthem was sung, and after it was over the players did another minute of warmup, skating briefly around their zones. The refs lined up and the St Louis player and Isles player (I couldn’t see who it was), skated towards each other. The ref dropped the puck and the game began.


	23. Chapter 23

About 7 minutes into the first period, St. Louis scored. Brayden Schenn took a shot from the side and it deflected off Tito’s stick. I heard Liana say “aw man!” 

The rest of the first period was scoreless. We made some good plays but couldn’t get it to the back of the net, so we went into the first intermission down by one. 

Liana stood up after the buzzer sounded and asked me “do you wanna split a drink?” 

_Sure, if you bring two straws!_

“Yeah I will! What do you want?”

_I’m good with whatever._

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” I pulled out my phone while she was gone, and I realized I hadn’t checked it since before we left campus. I had put it on silent this morning for class and forgot to turn it to vibrate. When I unlocked it, several notifications cluttered my lockscreen; a couple emails, some social media stuff, and a couple texts, but one stood out to me. Mat. It was from 4:07, just a couple minutes after we got through security. It read “Hey, can’t wait to see you at warmup. ;)” I felt a pang of guilt at missing his text, but found some comfort in the thought that he did get to see me at warmup. If he hadn’t I would have felt even worse. 

I texted him back “So sorry I didn’t reply earlier! I know you probably won’t see this until after the game, but I loved seeing you at warmups :) It’s the end of the first period right now and you guys are down 1-0 but I know that you guys can come back!” 

“I hope you like Sprite,” Liana said, holding a large plastic cup with one hand and two wrapped straws in the other.

I nodded eagerly and took the straw from her, setting my phone in my lap. I grabbed the drink from her as well so she could sit down. She opened her straw and then took the drink from me so I could do the same.

“So, what are you thinking of the game so far?” Liana asked me before taking a sip of the Sprite. 

_It’s good!_

“Do you think they’ll be able to come back?”

_Definitely._

“Maybe Mat will get a goal?”

_I’m hoping so! We need to tie it up._

“Yeah!”

About 10 minutes later, the lights dimmed again and the players came back out. The puck dropped and we were back in action. 

Three minutes in, Derick Brassard took a shot, but it was stopped by Binnington, the St. Louis goalie. I hated that we were getting chances, but none of them were going our way. I hoped that this wouldn’t be one of those games where the team works really hard and plays well but luck just isn’t on our side.

Throughout the period, the Blues had some really good chances, and I held my breath each time they entered the zone. The time seemed to go by much quicker than it did, and before I knew it, the buzzer went off, signaling the end of the second period as well. The Isles hadn’t managed to get on the board yet, and I hated to admit it, but I was concerned for them. I didn’t want to have to comfort Mat about the loss after the game, I’d so much rather congratulate him and share in his happiness.

Throughout the second intermission, Liana and I had a simple conversation. We mostly talked about school and our classes and stuff, and then a little about the game so far.

When the third period started, I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. A minute and a half in, Tito, Derick Brassard, and Scott Mayfield entered the zone on a 3 on 2. Brass passed to Tito, and I heard Liana whisper “Come on Tito!” as he passed to Scott. Scott took the shot, but it went wide. It got caught on the side of the net as the Isles and Blues players fought for it, and after another shot was taken on Binnington, the ref whistled the play to a stop.

Four minutes of play later, as it was in our defensive zone, the Blues had set up on the outer edges. Tarasenko took a wrist shot from the far edge and he scored. I closed my eyes and looked down, placing my head in my hands. We were down 2-0. An image of Liana and I comforting Mat as we walk out of the arena with our heads down surfaced in my mind, and I felt my heart sink. There were less than 15 minutes left in the game and I could only hope that we would find a way to come back.


	24. Chapter 24

As the timer clicked lower and lower, I felt my heart sink deeper and deeper. Grace’s words came back to me: “And we’re hoping for a win over St. Louis…” Hoping only.

With five minutes left in the game, Michael Dal Colle brought the puck into the Blues’ zone. One of the Blues players tried to push it backwards out of the zone, but it ended up right back on the stick of MDC. He passed it across the zone to Brock Nelson who took the shot from the boards and the entire arena was on their feet! The buzzer went off and I clapped excitedly as I watched the guys hug each other in celebration. Now, suddenly, it felt as if we had a chance. Plus, even if St. Louis did win, it wouldn’t be a shutout. It felt like there was hope throughout the players, as well as the fans that had filled the seats of the arena.

Time was quickly running out, and just as I had felt the excitement in the arena only minutes before, now I could feel the tension. With less than a minute left, the play was in the Blues’ zone. Barry Trotz had pulled Greiss and put on an extra forward. A Blue tried to shoot it out of the zone but it was held in by Boychuk. He looped around just outside of the blue line, and, tripping into the zone, pushed it forward to Mat. I held my breath as Mat took a shot, and the puck deflected off of a Blues defenseman’s stick and into the net! The crowd was instantly up on their feet cheering! Less than 30 seconds left and we had tied it up! I couldn’t control the excitement from rushing through me. Liana was screaming and cheering, the biggest smile spread across her face. We high-fived each other about ten times as we watched the 6 Isles assemble in a group hug. I couldn’t believe that Mat had tied it up and I was so hopeful that we could make it to a win in overtime.

A few minutes later, when overtime started, I was just about literally on the edge of my seat. I watched as the two groups of 3 players alternated going into the opposing team’s zone and taking a shot, and with each release of the puck toward the net, I held my breath. 

Not much more than a minute into OT, Mat got it on his stick and, being pressured by a defenseman, headed to the outside of the zone. He skated around behind Binnington’s net and passed it to Devon Toews, who was standing right in front of the goal. Devon took the shot and it went in! I couldn’t believe it!!! The entire arena was screaming, and I would have been too, if I could. Liana’s arms were around me, and we hugged while simultaneously jumping up and down. The excitement was more than present, and I waited for the thought to sink in. About an hour ago, we were down 2-0, and here we were, up 3-2. We had come back and won the game. I couldn’t wait to see Mat after and give him a big congratulations hug.


	25. Chapter 25

We had slowly made it out of the stands and into the lobby area and a short while later, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and, with Liana looking at it too, saw that it was a text from Mat. It read “Hey! So glad you guys could come. I’m gonna take a really really fast shower and get dressed and then come up and meet you both! Let me know where you’re waiting :)” I typed back “of course! We both loved being here and congrats on the win! We’re waiting in front of the ice cream stand at 116.”

I also noticed a text from Lauren, sent a few minutes ago. “Hey Annabelle! I’m with Grace right now, but will you and Liana have a ride back to campus? I’m more than happy to take you if you need!” I was pretty sure that Mat would take us but I wanted to double check, so I typed out another short message to him, asking. He replied “thanks for the congrats, I’m so excited we could pull it out for you :) and yeah! I’ll bring you both back. My apartment isn’t too far from campus, like 15 minutes so it’s no problem.” After reading that, I went back to my conversation with Lauren and thanked her for the offer, but told her that she was free to go home.

_ What was your favorite part of tonight?  _ I asked Liana. She made a face, indicating that she was deep in thought.

“I think seeing them play. It’s been so long since I’ve been to one of my brother’s games and even the last one I went to was probably when he was playing, like, Peewee. I remember my mom and dad used to come watch him play all the time. They’d bring me, too, and even though I was super young, I still paid more attention than they expected me to. There was a part of me that always loved it, going to games and being able to support him. But then he played for Seattle and I was still in Coquitlam in middle school, and then he came to Long Island and I was finishing up high school. I’ve known for a while that I wanted to come to college here, to be closer to him. We’ve just kinda always been close, ya know?” 

_ Yeah, I used to be close with my brother…  _ my hands fell. I hadn’t told Liana the story about Adrian and Emma, and I didn’t plan to, at least for a while.  _ But then something happened and we kinda fell out. _

“Oh Annabelle, that sucks. I’m so sorry. You don’t talk to him, at all anymore?” 

I shrugged.  _ Sometimes, but rarely. He’s off at college doing his own thing, so we don’t have a lot to talk about. He left right after the thing happened, and we haven’t really stayed in touch since. _

She gently rubbed my arm in that reassuring way that best friends do, and in that moment I realized how thankful I was to have a best friend like her. I started to believe that maybe she was right, that she would stick by me through anything and everything.

Before either of us could say anything else, I heard a very familiar voice behind me.

“Belle!” I turned around to see Mat walking towards us, the biggest smile on his face. He opened his arms, and I couldn’t stop the happiness from becoming apparent on my own face as well. I ran to him and threw my arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I felt him squeeze me close to him. I wished I could tell him “I’m so proud of you” or “congrats on the win,” but I got stuck with vocal cords that don’t work, so instead I just squeezed him tighter too.

I was sure that Liana was behind us, watching us hug and probably thinking of what I told her earlier, but right now I didn’t care. I loved this feeling of being wrapped up in Mat’s arms and honestly, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. 

When he finally let go, Liana opened her arms, asking her brother for a hug too. Mat stepped towards her and hugged her for a couple seconds. 

“Congrats on the win!” Liana told him. 

“Thanks,” he replied, turning to me.

_ I’m really proud of you,  _ I told him. 

_ Thank you,  _ he signed back to me. I smiled and I felt the heat rushing to my cheeks. “So, are you guys hungry? When was the last time you ate?”

_ We split two pretzels when we got here at around 4, and before that, we had a snack at the student center after our classes finished, so yeah, it’s been a while.  _

“Alright, how about a late night snack at…” he glanced at the digital clock on the wall. “9:52?”

_ I’m in. _

“Yes please, let’s go,” Liana responded. “I’m starving.”

“Well that answers that question. Let’s go.” He led the way out the door and Liana and I followed. 


	26. Chapter 26

When we got to Mat’s car, I was back in the front. It made me think about what Liana said, about Mat actually wanting me up front to be beside him. I felt like it was a bit of a stretch, even though she had a good point. All those moments that she listed off; ‘sunshine’ at the boutique, when I stole one of his fries at the deli, at the golf course, the way he acted at Shake Shack when I was meeting the team, how he gave me his hoodie for the game tonight, there was honestly a part of me that believed he had feelings for me too. But that just led me right back down the rabbit hole of inner conflict. It was easy to be scared of something I never really thought would happen, but now that there are actual possibilities, it just got me lost inside my own head even more.

“So, where do we wanna go?” Mat asked, looking between me and over his shoulder at Liana.

“What’s open late at night?” 

“Uhhh, I think Friendly’s is open until 11, sound good to you guys?” 

_ I’ve never been there before… but I’ve heard about it and it sounds interesting, so I say let’s go. _

“Sure, let’s go,” Liana said from the back seat. 

“Alright, Friendly’s it is.” Mat put the vehicle into reverse, backed out, and headed towards the restaurant.

About fifteen minutes later, we pulled into the Friendly’s parking lot. Mat parked, turned off the engine, and we headed inside.

A tall woman with curly blonde hair greeted us. She had on a Friendly’s diner uniform and a surprisingly genuine-looking smile. “Hi, welcome to Friendly’s! Table for three?” 

“Yeah,” Liana told her.

She grabbed three menus from the podium, telling us “right this way,” as she turned towards the dining room. We arrived at a booth along the wall. There were windows alongside the edge of the restaurant, and even though it had long been dark, the streetlights outside cast a faint shine onto our table. 

“Can I get you guys started with some drinks?” the hostess asked.

_ What do you want?  _ Mat asked me.

_ A glass of water, please. _ Mat looked to Liana. “Do you wanna go first?” 

“I’ll have an orange juice please,” she told the waitress.

“Alright, and for you two?” She looked at Mat and I. 

“I’ll have a glass of milk, and she’ll have a glass of water,” Mat ordered for me. 

“Alrighty, an orange juice, a milk, and a water. I’ll be right back with those.” She turned towards the kitchen and disappeared behind the large swinging doors. 

_ I was really excited when you guys came back,  _ I told Mat.  _ I started to think you were done for. _

Mat chuckled. “Nah, we had ‘em right where we wanted them,” he said confidently, even though I had a feeling that he and his teammates had been a little nervous too.

_ And your goal, wow. You deflected it off Steen’s stick. That’s talent. _

“Thanks,” he said.

“Hi!” A voice said. Mat turned from looking at me to the little girl that was standing beside him. She had straight blonde hair with an orange bow clipped neatly on the side to hold a few strands of hair back. She was proudly wearing an Islanders jersey and looking at Mat, starstruck.

When he saw her, Mat’s face brightened. “Hey there!” he said cheerfully. Liana looked at me, and she subtly signed,  _ you feel nothing?? _

I smiled and rolled my eyes, quickly shaking my head and brushing off her comment.  _ I already told you I like him!  _ I quickly signed back.

“Are you Mat Barzal?” I heard the girl say. 

Mat chuckled and replied, “Yeah, I am. What’s your name?” 

“Come on, Julie,” a brunette woman said from behind the girl. She turned to look at us. “I’m so sorry, Julie recognized you and wanted to meet you,” she said, glancing at Mat.

He glanced back up at the woman, who we presumed to be Julie’s mother, and replied, “It’s no problem at all.” 

“I’m Sarah, Julie’s mother,” she stuck out her hand, and Mat shook it.

“Mat, and this is my sister Liana, and my friend Annabelle. She uses sign language to communicate,” he told them after shaking Sarah’s hand. We both nodded at Sarah politely and she replied, “nice to meet you all.”

Julie spoke again. “I went to see you play hockey today,” she said.

“You came to my game?” Mat replied excitedly.

“Yeah! You got a good goal. I was happy!” 

Mat let out a light chuckle and replied “I was happy too! Do you want me to sign your jersey?” He asked in the sweetest way. 

Julie’s eyes lit up and she nodded eagerly. “Yes!!” She turned around and he saw that it was his jersey. ‘Barzal’ lined the top from shoulder to shoulder, and a large number thirteen took up the rest of the lower back. “Great jersey choice,” he told her.

The hostess came back with our drinks, and Sarah and Julie stepped aside so she could place them on the table.

Mat thanked her, then also asked, “Do you have a Sharpie I could borrow?” 

The hostess patted her apron pockets and pulled out a few writing utensils, one of which was a Sharpie. “Here ya go,” she said, handing it to Mat.

“Thanks,” he replied, pulling the cap off it. Julie moved back in front of him and turned around so her back was facing him.

“It feels funny,” she commented as he left his classic signature and a number 13 on the 3. I watched as he added a short note: “To Julie: come and watch me play anytime!” I smiled at how adorable he was while he was interacting with her.

Mat capped the Sharpie and placed it on the table. “Thank you so much once again,” Sarah told Mat as she and Julie headed towards the other side of the restaurant. I couldn’t stop the smile from tugging at the edges of my mouth as Julie turned around and waved, and Mat waved back. The thought of how cute Mat had been while talking with her wouldn’t leave my mind for a while.


	27. Chapter 27

Liana, Mat and I ordered, ate, paid, and left the restaurant. Like always, I really enjoyed hanging out with the Barzal siblings. They both made for some pretty sweet company, and I’d realized that it didn’t matter what we were doing together, I’d always love hanging out with them.

As we were driving towards campus, I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. I had admitted to Liana that I like Mat. This was honestly terrifying. The thought kept nagging at me, eating away at my peace and replacing it with stress. I couldn’t believe that I had admitted it to her without fully admitting it to myself. What happened to the promise I made to myself to not fall for Mat, and not act on it even if I did? It’s not like I had kissed him, but I had confessed to his sister that I liked him. For all I knew, she could tell him, and that would be totally humiliating. I kicked myself for thinking that Liana would do that to me, because I knew that she wouldn’t, but that didn’t make me feel better. 

What if, completely hypothetically, I told Mat and he reacted the same as Liana? What if he promised that no matter what happens, he wouldn’t abandon me? What if he could reassure me that even if we didn’t work out as a couple, we could stay in each other’s lives forever? As much as I wanted to believe that, I still had some difficulty fully wrapping my mind around it and accepting it. New emotions could always come out of things that we can’t predict right now, and I was so unsure of anything the future would hold.    
When we got to campus, I was still zoned out. Liana hopped out of the back, but not before saying a quick “thanks Mat!” 

“No problem sis, have a good night.” I hadn’t gotten out of the vehicle yet, and he turned to me, gently placing his hand on my arm. 

“Hey, Belle, you okay?” he asked. I could hear the concern in his voice, and I loved how much he cared. 

I slowly nodded and took a deep breath. “What’s goin’ on in that mind of yours?” he inquired, poking my head. Ha, if only I could tell him. 

_ I just have a lot on my mind right now,  _ I replied.

“I’m sorry,” and there were his eyes, soft, sweet, comforting. I felt myself being pulled in by his gaze and I felt my heart lurch at the civil war going on in me. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

I paused, wanting more than anything to be able to explain to him, explain everything. The conflict I’m feeling; the attraction to him and the simultaneous fear of losing him. But I couldn’t tell him.

_ I wish I could.  _

“What do you mean?” he questioned, concern brewing in his face. 

_ Someday, I’ll tell you.  _ As soon as I signed that, I prayed that he wouldn’t catch my signing and when I repeated, I could change it. He did get it though. I mentally kicked myself 100 times over. Why did I say that to him? I just promised him that I would tell him. Now Liana knows that I like him, and Mat knows that there’s something going on. Now I owe him an explanation at some point, and I’ve pretty much destroyed that promise I made to myself. For a split second, I considered apologizing and telling him that I couldn’t tell him, but I knew if I did that he would be hurt and think that I don’t trust him. 

_ Listen, Mat, I trust you, and I want you to know, but I can’t tell you right now. Maybe someday I’ll tell you, okay?  _

“I know you do, and yeah. I’d like that. I’m going to hold you to that, though.” 

_ Thanks for listening. _

“I, didn’t really, but, you’re welcome.” He smiled.

_ Goodnight,  _ I signed before opening the door and stepping out into the chilly night. I had assumed Liana had already made her way back into the dorm, and I remembered that our window overlooked the parking lot. She was probably watching everything.

I took a couple steps away and then realized I still had his hoodie on. I turned around and tapped the passenger side window. Luckily, he hadn’t even shifted out of Park yet, and he rolled the window down.

“Hey what’s up?”

_ Do you want this back?  _ I asked, grabbing the hoodie and shaking it a little.

He paused, then replied, “nah.” 

_ Are you sure? It’s your team hoodie. _

“It’s fine, I can get another one. That one looks better on you anyway,” he smiled at me and winked.

_ Okay, thanks. _

“You’re welcome. Goodnight!” 

_ Night.  _ I stepped away from the vehicle, and watched as Mat pulled out, took a right at the intersection and drove off into the night. 

The Annabelle civil war was raging, in some ways, now more than ever. What a night. I had confessed to Liana that I like her brother, even though now that I was trying to think about it clearly, I didn’t know why that made me vulnerable . It’s not like she would tell him, it just meant that it was fact. I liked him. Also, I had promised Mat that I would one day tell him what was going on right now. Maybe I could make something up, but I knew better than that. Lying never ended well, and it would probably only make me feel worse. Besides, maybe one day there would come a time when I’ve worked this whole thing out enough to know that telling Mat is the right thing for me to do. I hoped that day would come, and soon, because I couldn’t take too much more of this inner conflict.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one is super short but hope you like it anyway!!

As I got inside and up to the room, I just wanted some peace of mind. I did my best to zone out the conflict and all the what ifs coming from both sides, despite Liana’s curiosity.

“What’s up? Why’d you stay down there so long? Were you making out with my brother?” She raised her eyebrows suggestively, and I rolled my eyes.

_No,_ _actually, thanks to me telling you that I like him, there’s a war going on inside me right now! He asked what was on my mind and I told him I couldn’t tell him right now._

She looked a bit taken aback, so I quickly backtracked.  _ I’m sorry Liana, I’m just really tired, and I can’t stop my mind from going in all these different directions and I just want to have some peace. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you and I’m sorry. _

“It’s okay, I get it. I can tell you’re conflicted, and that’s okay. You should get some sleep and maybe you’ll feel better in the morning.” I appreciated how understanding Liana was, so I just thanked her and got ready for bed quietly. 

Surprisingly, I had somehow managed to reel in my wandering mind, which made sleeping easier. I hadn’t gotten so far as to turn my thoughts elsewhere, but getting them off the conflict was good enough for me. Oh well, my brain was quiet enough for me to sleep.


	29. Chapter 29

Monday morning, my first class was at 8:00. After my first lecture was over, I pulled out my phone while walking to my next classroom. I immediately noticed a text from Mat from 8 minutes ago and it said “hey I have some bad news to break to you.” Oh no. My heart dropped and instantly my mind was spinning with the worst possible situations. Did Liana tell him I like him and this was him telling me he didn’t feel the same? Was he saying we couldn’t be friends anymore? That he had a new girlfriend and that we had to stop flirting? Would he even admit we were flirting lol? I quickly typed back “hey is everything okay? Is something wrong?” Immediately bubbles popped up and I stayed on the conversation, not wanting to miss his answer.

Finally his reply popped up. “So we’re going on our first road trip of the season, we’re playing Tampa tonight, Carolina Wednesday night, and Nashville Thursday night, so we’ll be home Friday.” Then he started typing again, and his second message read, “but i’ll see you friday ;)”

I smiled at the thought of a reunion with him on Friday, after not seeing him for a few days. Knowing that he would be so far out of town felt kind of scary, and yet comforting at the same time. Maybe I could work on getting some of these emotions sorted out before he got back. I replied “aww :/ when are you guys leaving?”

“I just got to MacArthur a couple minutes ago, our flight leaves in a little less than an hour,” he typed back.

“Alright! Well safe travels and yeah, you’ll definitely see me Friday :)”

I saw that he read it and I tucked my phone away as I entered the lecture hall for my second lecture.

That evening, Liana and I were debating what to do. She wanted to go out, but I actually had a better idea. 

_ Why don’t we go to the student center and bring food back here, get into our pajamas and watch Mat’s game? They’re in Tampa right now. _

She paused. I guess she was wondering why she didn’t think of that. “That’s a really good idea. Remind me to have you make all our dinner plans from now on,” she commented, smiling. 

We headed to the student center, ordered the food that we wanted, headed back to the dorm, changed into our pajamas, and turned the game on. There were 14 minutes left in the first period.    
As we were eating, my thoughts wandered a little bit. I tried to reel them back in, but every time I saw #13 on the ice, I couldn’t help but wonder about him. I had to clear some things up.

  1. Fact: I like Mat.
  2. Fact: Liana knows that I like Mat, so it is for sure a fact. No going back.
  3. Fact: the last time I was included in a small group of people, one of which was my brother, one of which was my best friend, who were both dating each other, it didn’t end well. 
  4. Just because the last time something like this happened didn’t go so well in the end didn’t mean that this time would too. It wasn’t guaranteed that history would repeat itself.
  5. Liana promised me that she’d be my best friend forever. It might make things a lot easier if I just accept that as fact and assume it will always be true.
  6. Mat had flirted with me countless times, so I could guess that maybe he liked me back? I couldn’t be sure, but I could guess.
  7. ..



“Annabelle?” I looked up to see Liana looking at me, a concerned look on her face. “You okay? You stopped eating,  _ and  _ they just scored.” I glanced at the paper plate sitting in front of me to see it still half full of food, and then up at the TV to see the five Isles players who had been on the ice skating past the bench and high-fiving the rest of their teammates. I shook myself out of the daze I had been in.  _ Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts.  _

“Thinking about my brother?” 

_ No. _

“You should be, I hope nothing else makes you that dazed.” I couldn’t help but chuckle at her comment. “And hey, we’re up 1-0!” 

The rest of the game was quite the roller coaster ride to watch. Each time we scored, they seemed to tie it up just moments after. By the end of the third period, Liana and I had finished eating but had continued watching the game, and as the buzzer signaled the end of regulation, the score was 4-4. The final score would be 5-4, the question was for who.


	30. Chapter 30

The Islanders won. Brock Nelson had just gotten off the bench as the puck came sailing up out of our zone, so he collected it on his stick and rushed towards Vasilevskiy, easily popping it up over his left shoulder. Anders Lee and Nick Leddy, who were also on the ice at the time, came over to congratulate Brock. The rest of the team hopped off the bench and skated towards the three of them, and then they all made their way over to Varlamov to congratulate him on the win. 

By the time the game was over, it was almost 11. I decided to head to bed, it had been a long day.

The days this week seemed to drag on forever. I was anticipating Mat’s return on Friday, and even though I usually always look forward to Fridays for obvious reasons, this week I couldn’t help myself from being especially anxious for it. I was hoping to go to the airport and meet him there; he had told me the plan is to get back around 12:30. My morning classes ended at 11:40, and my afternoon classes went 3-5:45, so that could leave me enough time to get to the airport, greet Mat, and then head back to class for the afternoon.   
When Friday finally got here, I resented sitting through my morning lectures. I watched the second hand tick around and around the clock on the wall, and it felt like time was slowing down every single minute. It reminded me of the feeling from elementary school when you’re supposed to get checked out for a doctor’s appointment at 9:30, and you watch the clock and wait for your teacher to tell you you can leave. It dragged on and on. 

Throughout the week, I had debated whether or not to tell Mat I was planning to meet him at the airport. Part of me wanted to let him know because I wasn’t positive of where to go and I’m sure he’d be able to tell me where they were getting in, but the other half of me wanted to surprise him. I had even asked Liana and she said to keep it a secret so I could catch the look on his face. So that’s what I decided to do.

When it finally got to be 11:40, I practically ran out of my lecture hall and to the parking lot. I had texted an Uber during class to meet me here at 11:45, and only a few minutes later they showed up. 

I hopped in quickly, and the driver was a teenage girl. “Where to?” she asked politely.

I pulled out my phone and typed “MacArthur airport, please.” 

“Alright!” She pulled out, then asked another question. 

“Soo, why did you type it out? Can you not talk?” 

I shook my head, then figured she wouldn’t see me. I pulled up Google Translate, like I had done before, and typed “No, I was born with vocal cords that don’t work, so I use sign language most of the time,” then pressed the speaker button and listened to Google read my words.

“Oh! So you can hear, you just can’t talk?” She asked, taking a left turn. 

“Right,” Google read.

“Gotcha. That’s pretty interesting!” She paused, then asked, “so, what brings you to the airport today?” 

I deleted my words and retyped, “my best friend’s brother, who’s also one of my friends, is coming back from a trip today. I had a break in my classes and I wanted to go surprise him.”

“Ohhh, gotcha. Sounds like there’s something more there.” 

“What do you mean?” I made Google say.

“Like, I don’t know, sounds like you like him?” 

“Is it that obvious?” Google replied.

She chuckled. “No, it’s not that obvious. In high school, I always had an eye for who liked who. People I didn’t even know, who I’d never talked to, somehow I could just tell who they liked. Everyone thought it was some kind of joke, but everyone would say ‘do me, do me!’ So I’d read the room and then whisper in their ear and they’d always say I was right. I just guessed that you had feelings for him based on how excited you looked to see him.” 

As we were approaching the airport, I quickly typed, “yeah, you’re right, but I’m not sure if he feels the same.” 

She chuckled as she pulled up along the curb. “In my experience, there’s usually something. How does he act around you?”

I smiled as I thought about all the times Mat had been there for me, looked at me with his soothing eyes, brushed my arm to comfort me, or even when I had rendered him speechless in that sundress at the boutique. “Flirty,” I typed and played. 

“There ya go,” she said, smiling.

_ Okay, thank you!  _ I told her as I grabbed my backpack and climbed out of the car. I hadn’t had time to stop by my dorm to drop it off before the Uber got here, so I’d have to deal with it being on my back for the next half hour or so.

“Of course! Good luck with him!” She smiled and waved as I closed the door and she drove off.

Ahead of me was the airport. I took a deep breath and walked inside.


	31. Chapter 31

When I got inside the airport, I wasn’t exactly sure where to go. I headed over to the check baggage desks, which were mostly empty, and typed on my phone “do you know where the Islanders are coming in?”

The lady looked at me and said “yeah, they’ll be coming in at Gate 2.” I paused, unsure of where that was. She smiled and explained how to get there.

_ Thank you!  _ I signed and mouthed as I headed towards the gate.

When I made it to where they’d be getting in, it was 12:23. 7 minutes. I watched through the window as a plane touched down, and I was curious if it was the team’s plane. Was Mat somewhere in there? 

It taxiied towards the tunnel that was attached to Gate 2, and I eagerly stood up, waiting for everyone to get their luggage and head off. 

A couple minutes later, the players started coming out of the tunnel. I saw Ebs first. He made eye contact with me and said “hey Annabelle.” I smiled and nodded at him, and the rest of the guys passed me as well. When I saw Tito, he came over and gave me a small fist bump.

“Did you tell him you’re coming?” he asked.

_ No, I wanted to surprise him.  _ I signed slowly.

“Ah, gotcha. He usually takes forever to get his luggage together so he’ll be here in a few minutes. Do you want me to wait with you?” 

I appreciated his offer. For an instant, I thought back to how Liana said that she wanted to date Tito, and for me to date Mat, and how all of us could go on double dates together. I really liked the idea of having Tito as one of my friends.

_ Thanks, but I’m fine. You can go if you want. _

“Alright, well tell Liana I said hey.” He smiled as he walked past me and followed the rest of the team.

There was a brief moment when everyone had come off, but I hadn’t seen Mat. Did he walk past me and not even notice I was there? Seems unlikely. I turned around and watched all the guys from the team walk further away, gradually getting smaller and smaller, until they disappeared altogether.

“Belle!” I whipped around and saw Mat standing there, about 6 feet away from me, staring. His face lit up and I knew that I was the reason for that. His hand was resting on a suitcase beside him and a backpack slung over his other shoulder. “I didn’t know you’d be here!” he said excitedly. 

_ I wanted to surprise you.  _ My smile came naturally as he dropped his shoulder bag, let go of the suitcase, and closed the distance between us as he hugged me. My arms instinctively went around his neck, and I had to push myself onto my tip-toes to match his height. Being here, his arms wrapped around me, felt so familiar. I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be. 

We just stood there, our arms wrapped around each other, much longer than I thought we would. I knew he’d be happy to see me, but it kinda felt like he wasn’t going to let go. I started to pull out and he followed my lead. “I missed you,” he said. 

I couldn’t stop the corners of my mouth from tugging upwards into a small smile, and I felt heat rush to my cheeks. 

_ I missed you too. _

“Did you watch our games?” 

_ Yeah. You guys played really well.  _ Liana and I had decided to do the same thing on Wednesday and Thursday night, when they played Carolina and Nashville, respectively. After beating the Lightning 5-4 in OT on Monday, they lost to Carolina 3-1, but gave Nashville quite the beating, coming home with a 5-2 win.

Mat stood there for a moment, his gaze not leaving mine. Finally, he bent down and slung his backpack over his shoulder, putting both arms in the straps. He pulled his suitcase behind him, and put his other arm over my shoulder. We walked like that all the way out of the airport. 


	32. Chapter 32

The next morning was the weekend, finally. Mat and I had gotten drive-thru food on our way to campus yesterday, and he was super sweet about taking me back to class. Liana and I spent last night inside, just talking and hanging out in our dorm.

I woke up to the sound of my texting notification sound going off repetitively. I rubbed my eyes and lazily sat up, sleep still grasping at me. I flipped my phone over so I could see the screen, and it was Mat. So far, he’d texted me 16 times, and his messages read as follows:

“Belle”

“Belle”

“Belle”

“Hey wake up”

“I gotta ask you something”

“Did you and my sister stay up late last night?”

“You two are supposed to wake up early”

“I have a questionnn”

“Come on get upppp”

“Belleee”

“Ugh”

“I’m just gonna keep texting til you wake up”

“Hope your phone isn’t on silent”

“Wake up already omg”

“I gotta ask you something”

“Come onnn”

I read over his messages and watched as the bubbles popped up, obviously he was typing a seventeenth message.

“Okay okay mat, i’m up. What’s up?” I typed. I saw he read it and his bubbles popped up again.

“Alas, she’s awake!” I chuckled. “So do you and Liana wanna hang out today?” he typed, followed by “actually is liana awake? Imma call you guys.” Before I could type anything else, my phone was ringing.

I shoved Liana and she groaned. “Whattttt? It’s Saturday.” I practically shoved my phone in her face so she could see her brother was calling me. I slid the answer button and there was Mat’s voice.

“Hey! Sis, wake up!!!” 

“Okay okay, I’m up,” she said, even though she was clearly still half asleep.

“It’s a beautiful Saturday morning, and I had a brilliant idea! Why don’t the three of us go hang out today?” 

Liana sat up, looking a little more awake. She rubbed her eyes and said, “ummmm…” she paused. “I’d love to but I can’t,” she replied, looking at me.

_ Why not?  _ I asked her.

“Aw why not?” Mat questioned.

“I have a paper due Monday for English that I haven’t started yet, a test on Tuesday, and a bunch of other assignments I have to have finished before Tuesday at midnight, so I really should use today as a work day.” 

Neither Mat or I said anything for a moment, then Mat spoke. “Aw, okay, well, we can all hang out some other day…”

Liana cut him off. “No! Mat, why don’t you and Annabelle go? There’s no reason for you two to not hang out just because I’m busy. Go have some fun!”

“Are you sure sis? I don’t want you to feel excluded,” Mat told her. I loved how close he was with her.

“No yeah, that’s fine! I won’t feel excluded because I’m literally the one that’s trying to convince you both to go.” 

I shrugged as Mat said, “alright. I’ll text you some ideas, Belle, and we’ll figure something out.”

I nodded, and Liana told him I approved. “Okay, I’ll see you later then, Belle, and good luck with homework Liana!” 

“Yeah, bye!” Liana told him as I hung up. She immediately looked at me. 

“Now you get to hang out with him without me in the way.” 

I glanced right back at her.  _ Do not tell me you made up all that homework and stuff just so Mat and I would hang out alone…. _

“No, I didn’t. I actually have a bunch of work to do today. But you do get a chance to hang out with him alone, so spend it well. This could be your only shot.” 

_ I can’t tell him I like him because that would mess things up. I’m just gonna wait it out and see what happens a little later. _

“Alright, but someday if he gets married to someone else and you’re left wondering ‘what if I had told him?’ Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

_ I’ll think about it but I’m not gonna promise anything. I have to do this at my own pace. _

“Fair enough.” My phone buzzed. Mat had texted me, again.

“Soooo,” his message read. I chuckled. 

“Soo?” I typed back.

“What do you wanna do?” 

“Haha I have no idea. You usually come up with some good ideas, though.” 

“Actually I just came up with one. I’ll pick you up at 4?” 

I smiled, curious at what he had up his sleeve. I texted him back “sure, see you then.” 


	33. Chapter 33

About 6 hours and many alternating decisions later, I had finally chosen my outfit, with a few comments from Liana as well. It was simple, but cute: a black and white striped tee tied in the front and my favorite pair of black jeans. I did my hair in a messy bun and styled it so it didn’t look like a bird’s nest on top of my head.

When I was ready, I glanced out our dorm window to see Mat’s car pull up. Perfect timing, I thought. I grabbed my phone and wallet and headed towards the door. “Have fun!” Liana said, waving, and I smiled at her as I closed it. 

As I was walking down the hall and down the stairs, my mind was racing, a thousand miles a second. I couldn’t shake the idea that Mat and I were hanging out, alone. Liana was right, what if something happened? What if I slipped and ended up mentioning my feelings for him? What if my heart just took over and it made me do something stupid that I’m going to regret forever? I’d just have to stay alert and make sure to not do any of that. 

“Hey Belle,” Mat greeted me as I opened up the car door. I smiled at him as I climbed in.

_ Hey!  _ I signed after I got adjusted and got my seatbelt on.  _ So, what are we doing?  _

“You’ll just have to wait and find out because I have a very fun evening planned,” he replied, shifting the vehicle into reverse and pulling out of the parking lot.

We started heading in the opposite direction that we usually do, and I was curious. I was pretty sure I hadn’t been this direction since getting here about 3 ½ months ago, which left me even more curious. I had desperately hoped we weren’t going to some fancy restaurant, because I had to admit, that would feel a lot like a date. Plus I wasn’t dressed to go to dinner, but I assumed I was wrong when I glanced at what Mat was wearing. Sweats, a T-shirt, and his backwards Isles cap. There was no way we were going to a classy restaurant.

About 15 minutes later, we pulled into the lot of an apartment complex. I had to admit, I was getting very curious. I had no idea what Mat was trying to pull, but I was eager to see what it was.

_ Where are we?  _ I asked him. The smile on his face seemed to grow at the fact that I was so confused. 

“Come on, I’ll show you. Stay there.” He got out of the car and walked around to my side, then opened my door. He held his hand out to help me stand up, and then he shut the car door behind me. I noticed that he didn’t let go of my hand.

As we walked inside, I tried to take everything in; the carpet on the floor, the decor around the lobby, and especially the feeling of Mat’s fingers intertwined around mine. We weren’t even dating and yet it feels like we were. 

_ Are we going to your apartment?  _ I asked him after we got into the elevator. I had to drop his hand from mine in order to sign, but he made no effort to regrab it. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, that made me slightly sad. Oh well, I had the entire evening to spend with him.

“You’ll see,” he said with a smile and a subtle wink. I couldn’t wait to find out what this boy had up his sleeve.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did not realize how short this chapter was butttttt hope you enjoy all the same!

We made it to the 8th floor and got out of the elevator. Mat led the way down the hall to what I assumed was his door. After pulling the key out of his pocket, he turned to me and said “you haven’t been here before.” 

_No, I honestly haven’t._

“If you haven’t figured it out already, this is my apartment.” He pushed open the door and allowed me to walk inside first. I looked around. It was gorgeous. The kitchen was straight ahead. There was a bar counter, with four tall chairs pulled up to it. The kitchen table was beside the kitchen, with a fancy light fixture right above it. I also noticed a few doors that were closed, and I assumed they were his bedroom and closets and stuff. 

“Do you like it?” he asked, almost as if my approval was important to him. Like if I didn’t like it, he would pick up and move to a different apartment that I did like.

 _Yeah, I love it. I love what you’ve done with it,_ I told him.

He walked over to one of the doors and I noticed that it was, in fact, a closet. “Because I figured we could just…” he grabbed a box and turned around holding it up. He looked like a little kid asking his mom if he could buy the game that he was holding. It was Monopoly. I glanced between the box and his eyes as I felt the smile forming on my lips. 

_Sure. But just to let you know, I’m really good at Monopoly._

“It’s okay, it’s all in good fun,” he shut the closet door with his foot and walked over to the table, setting the game down. We opened the box, took out all the pieces, unfolded the board, got the bank set up (I was going to be the banker), and rolled the dice to decide who goes first. Mat won. His first roll was a 5, so he moved ahead five spots. And thus, the game had begun.


	35. Chapter 35

The more the game progressed, the more fun I was having. We were both quite competitive and yet we were both taking the game lightly. I never got tired of Mat’s glances as he bought a property or otherwise interacted with me as the banker. It looked like he was having the time of his life as we chatted and took turns buying properties, going to jail, and competing for the win.

A short while later, as I could feel the game coming to a close, I glanced at the clock. 7:08. It had been three hours already?

_ Mat look, it’s after 7 already.  _ He looked up at the clock and saw the time, then replied “Yeah? And?”

_ When are you planning to take me back? _

“Calm down Belle, we haven’t even had dinner yet!” 

_ We’re going to dinner?  _

“No, I’m gonna make us dinner.” Why did that sound like a really bad idea?

_ Are you sure? I could make us dinner. _

“No no no, you’re the guest. I’ll cook.”

_ You know how to cook? You mean without setting something on fire? _

He chuckled. “Of course I know how to cook!” 

_ Well, I can help you if you want. It might be more fun that way too! _

“Sure. I’d love your help. Do you want to go ahead and count our money, and declare a winner?” 

_ Sure.  _ I picked up all the fake bills that I had thrown into a pile and started counting them silently. Mat had finished counting a few seconds later, and I had a few more to go through.

“How much have you got?” he asked, looking at me.

_ $390. What about you?  _

“Aw man! $310. You beat me.” 

_ I beat you _ . 

We sat there for a second, and his eyes didn’t leave mine. He inhaled, and said “So, should we make dinner?” I nodded. He stood up and walked towards the kitchen area and I climbed up onto one of the tall bar chairs. “Are you just gonna watch me cook?” 

_ I’ll watch you until you need help.  _ I told him.

He shrugged. “Fair enough. So, what sounds good?” 

I thought about it for a few minutes, and honestly, I wasn’t sure.  _ I don’t know, what do you have?  _

Mat opened the fridge, stared at its contents for a few seconds, then asked, “how about pasta? I’m thinking spaghetti?” his voice trailed off as he turned around to face me and get my answer.

_ That sounds perfect.  _

He closed the fridge door and headed to the cabinet. “Alright, spaghetti it is.” I watched as he pulled out a pot, filled it with water, set it on the stove, turned the heat on, and internally wondered if he would be able to cook an entire meal himself. There was a part of me that desperately wanted to help him. 

I waved, trying to get his attention, but he had his back turned, so I pounded the counter a couple times. He turned around, asking “what?”

_ I want to help. What can I do?  _ I jumped off the barstool chair and walked over to the actual kitchen portion of the room. 

He looked around, trying to think of something to task me with. “You could….. heat up the sauce, if you want?”

_ Sure.  _ He opened the pantry door and pulled out a glass jar of red pasta sauce, handed it to me, and then opened the cabinet and grabbed another, tinier pot, and set it on the stove. “All yours.” I noticed his smile as he stared at me, the sauce jar still in my hand. 

_ You’re fine doing the noodles on your own?  _

“Yeah, I don’t know how they’ll turn out, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. Plus I’ve got you here to help me.”

I smiled as I felt the heat rushing to my cheeks. I thought about how I told Liana that I liked him, and how true that was. It didn’t mean that I wasn’t scared of history repeating itself, it just meant I liked him. I loved spending time with him, and I loved how he made me feel; all warm and fluffy inside.

As I was pouring the sauce into the pot, I felt a tiny point prick the side of my arm. I looked over and saw Mat looking guiltily up at the ceiling, then I glanced down and noticed the culprit; an uncooked noodle laying on the floor right between us. 

For a second, I thought about how to fight back. It’s not like I could fling sauce at him, it was already in the pot and heating up. Plus I felt bad wasting any of this food, it was his food. I pushed that thought away, though. Obviously if Mat didn’t want to have a food fight, he wouldn’t have thrown an uncooked spaghetti noodle at my arm. 

I walked around Mat to the sink to act like I had to rinse off my hand, but I lunged for the tiny box of noodles and grabbed as many as I could. Of course he noticed and he tried to stop me from doing so, but I had already got them in my hands. Instantly, he grabbed a handful from the box as well and we started launching them at each other. We were both laughing, and I felt the light and fluffy feeling take over me. This was the most fun I’d had in a long time. 

As I was trying to escape from Mat’s noodles being thrown at me repeatedly, my feet got caught in each other and I tripped backwards. I was laughing the whole time and for a second I just laid there, on the floor.

“You good?” Mat asked, the smile glued to his face. I tried to slow down my laughing, but I simply nodded. “Here.” He held out his hand and I grabbed it, feeling his big strong arms pull me up off the floor. 

I guess he pulled me up a little harder than I had anticipated, because when I got to my feet, we were right up against each other. His face was probably all of an inch from mine, and I watched his eyes move from meeting my gaze, then fall to my lips, and back up to making eye contact. My heart and mind were racing as I looked up at his hazel eyes, wondering if this was actually going to happen. I didn’t have time to make a decision about whether or not I was going to let him kiss me, and I felt him inch closer, closer. My eyes naturally fell shut…

BEEP BEEP BEEP! The stove top notified us when it hit the temperature Mat had set for the noodles. Instantly, we broke apart and Mat turned off the alarm. He rubbed a hand through his hair, walked in a tiny circle, and asked, “will you help me pick up the noodles? We can still use them since they’re going to boil for like 12 minutes.” I nodded and bent to the floor to help him, even though I couldn’t stop my mind from racing. What almost just happened? Was I going to let him kiss me? Was I going to kiss him? This is just the kind of thing that I was thinking about earlier, that fit into the category of ‘my heart taking over and making me do something stupid that I’m going to regret forever.’ I wondered if he would have regretted it, though. 


	36. Chapter 36

As I finished collecting the uncooked noodles on the floor, I handed them to him, and I couldn’t stop my mind from going a million miles a minute. There was so much to think about. What if Mat was falling for me too? Would dating him really be such a bad thing? What if it’s what I wanted, deep down? My thoughts were churning in my mind as I stirred the marinara sauce. 

Fifteen minutes later, the noodles and sauce were both done, so we took them off the stove and dished it all onto two plates. Mat insisted that I sit down as he got us both a napkin, a fork, and fulfilled my drink order, a tall glass of water. He sat down and immediately, another idea popped into his head. “Wait, hold on.” He came back with a candle and lit it. “Perfect.” 

We ate in silence for a few minutes, until I started a conversation. There were so many times that Mat had asked how school was going, but this time we talked about hockey; his games, practices, and road trips. I considered this to be a safe topic. I only had to ask a handful of questions and let him do the talking.

We finished eating and he asked if I wanted dessert. As much as I wanted to say yes, we had made more than enough spaghetti, and honestly, I didn’t think my stomach would let me take another bite.

I glanced at the clock behind Mat, and saw it said 8:54.  _ I hate saying this, but I should probably get back to campus.  _ I told him. 

His cheery look drooped, and I knew he didn’t want the night to end. If I’m being honest, I didn’t either. It didn’t feel like the normal hangouts the three of us usually have, and I felt as though a lot of tonight wouldn’t have happened if Liana had been here. 

“I know. I’ll take you back.” He got up and grabbed our coats, handed mine to me, opened the door, and followed me into the hallway.

We were silent on the elevator and the way out to his car. It felt like we both had a lot on our minds, and I had a feeling I knew what it was about. I replayed that moment about ten times in my mind as he drove me home.

“So, did you like Monopoly?” Mat asked about five minutes into the drive back to campus. I nodded, but it was dark out, so I pulled up my phone and opened Google Translate.

“Yeah, I did.” 

He chuckled. “I’m glad. That’s the only game I have, so if you hadn’t liked it, I don’t know what else we could have done.”

I thought about how to reply to that as my fingers hovered over my keyboard. “Nah, Monopoly is a classic. Can’t go wrong.” 

He let out a short laugh and even though it was dark, I saw him smile. “True.” 

We made the last turn into the campus lot, and he found a spot and shifted the vehicle to park. “I had a lot of fun tonight,” he said, turning his gaze to me. 

_ Me too,  _ I signed. For a short moment, he didn’t look away. Then he brought himself closer, and I thought he was going to kiss me, and he did. Kind of. He placed the softest kiss on my left cheek, and I felt my heart soar at that small action. “Goodnight Belle,” he said as he pulled away.

_ Goodnight Mat.  _ I replied as I opened my door and climbed out. Something in my heart lurched as I pushed the passenger side door closed, and I watched him pull out of the spot and drive into the dark night, back the same way we just came.

As I entered Rathus and walked up the stairs, I prepared myself for the rush of questions I was undoubtedly going to get from Liana. Easy. We played Monopoly and we cooked and ate dinner. Nothing special. Was I going to bring up our almost kiss? That was a big no. 

I entered the room, and I was lucky. Liana was tucked in her bed, asleep. There was a textbook next to her, and I assumed that she had tried to get comfortable while studying, but had been unable to resist sleep’s grasp. I gently pulled the book off the bed and placed it on her desk, then turned the lights off in our room. Quickly and quietly, I got changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed. I might not be able to avoid Liana’s questions forever, but I could for the next 8 or 10 hours. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was back in Mat’s apartment, standing right in front of him, our faces less than an inch apart. With those happy thoughts dancing in my mind, I was asleep within moments.


	37. Chapter 37

The next morning, I woke up to Liana pushing me awake. “Annabelle, Annabelle, Annabelle wake up! I gotta know about everything that happened last night!” I halfway opened my eyes to see her standing above me, and I lazily slid to a sitting up position on my bed. 

_ What?  _ I asked her.

“I wanna know all the details!” She replied, sitting down on the foot of the bed.

I closed my eyes again, trying to adjust to the light, rubbed them, and then opened them to see her sitting there, an eager expression glued to her face.

_ It was fine.  _

“And?? What’d you guys do??” 

_ Played Monopoly, and cooked and ate dinner. _

“That’s it? Nothing else?” 

_ That’s it. Nothing else.  _

“So like, no makeout sessions or anything?”

_ Liana!  _

“Okay, okay. Sorry. No makeout sessions.” 

We did almost kiss, I thought. We probably would have if that stupid alarm hadn’t have gone off. The what-if thoughts circled my head, even though I tried to replay the almost kiss scene to keep them at bay. I knew that they’d be churning in my mind for the next week, at least.

* * *

After my classes were over the next day, I had my phone out and was walking towards my dorm. As I approached the door, though, I thought I heard a guy’s voice inside. What was Liana doing with a boy in our room? But as I listened closer, I realized that I recognized the voice. Mat. What was he doing here? I stood along the wall to the right of the door and gently rested my ear against the wall, trying to hear what they were saying.

“Don’t you think you should tell her that?” I heard Liana say.

“I don’t know, should I?” he replied.

“I mean, nothing’s going to happen if you don’t…” 

“Well you’re her roommate and her best friend. Have you guys talked about me at all?” That’s when I realized they were talking about me. Mat was talking about me. 

I felt my heart rate speed up, anxiously wondering if Liana was going to spill all the details about the several times we’d talked about him. “Mat, that’s not my place to tell you. If Annabelle wants you to know, she’ll tell you. If she has feelings for you, she’ll tell you. If she doesn’t, she’ll tell you.” I quietly released a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. 

Mat sighed. “I just… I don’t know if I can say that I have a crush on her because that’s too small for what I feel for her. I don’t even know if ‘like’ is the right word.” Oh my goodness. Was Mat confessing to Liana his love for me? LOVE for me? I knew I reallyyy probably shouldn’t be hearing this, but I couldn’t walk away now.

“You have to tell her!” Liana told him. 

“But what if she doesn’t feel the same way back? It’s really not helping that you know if she does or not and you’re not telling me.” 

“Because it’s not my place! Like I said earlier; if Annabelle wants you to know, she’s the one that information like that should come from, not me.”

Again, Mat sighed. “Did she tell you what happened on Saturday?” 

I couldn’t see Liana’s reaction, but I could picture it in my mind; her eyes getting big, her eyebrows going up. “Something happened on Saturday?” 

Mat chuckled. “No, not really. I was this close to kissing her. We were very close, and then the stove alarm went off and we separated. As if someone had just walked in on us.” 

“Wow. She didn’t tell me that.” 

“I can’t even describe how much I wanted to kiss her, how long I’ve wanted to kiss her.” 

At this point I couldn’t stop the thoughts from racing through my brain. I hadn’t figured out if this made things easier or more complicated. I knew for a fact that Mat wanted me too, but my fear was still present. I was unsure what would happen if we ended up dating, even though some parts of me could feel my heart winning this war. I just hoped that I wouldn’t regret my decision to ignore my logical side.

“I seriously think the best thing you can do is tell her. Can’t be good for you, keeping all those feelings bottled up.” 

He was silent for a second. “Yeah, I gotta figure out the right time to.” I felt his footsteps approaching the door and I whipped around and ran back towards the staircase. I walked back towards the dorm as if I was just now coming this way. I had my phone out and pretended to be invested in whatever was on it. The door to Liana’s and my room swung open, and there he was in all his gorgeousness. His black hair looked more sleek and shiny than it had in the past, and I was actually thankful I had decided to wear his Isles hoodie to classes today.

“Hey Belle,” he said as he passed me. I looked up, pretending to be surprised that he was here.

_ Hey, what are you doing here?  _

“I came to ask Liana a question.” 

_ Ohh, couldn’t text?  _

“It seemed more like an in-person discussion type question.” 

_ Gotcha.  _

“Just get out of class for the day?” He asked. 

I nodded.  _ Yeah. So thankful it’s the end of the day. _

He smiled. “Yeah, I know the feeling. Nice hoodie!” 

I blushed.  _ Thanks. And thanks for letting me keep it, too. It means a lot. _

“Of course! Like I said, it looks better on you.” We stood there for a second, then Mat spoke again, “Well, I should probably go. Great seeing you Belle!” 

_ You too!  _ He walked past me towards the staircase, and as much as I wanted to glance back at him, I didn’t, because I figured he was the one glancing back.


	38. Chapter 38

The next evening, Liana wanted to go out. We had been doing a lot of staying in, especially since the weather was getting colder. But Liana had told me she needed to get out, even if it was just to Starbucks for a couple hours. I agreed. So, Starbucks it was.

We called an Uber and got a ride to the nearest Starbucks. I ordered a white hot chocolate, and Liana got a pumpkin spice latte. We found a seat beside the window and sat down, Liana started a conversation.

“So, how are your classes going?” 

_ Good,  _ I signed as I took a sip of my hot chocolate.

“That’s good. Are you nervous for finals?”

_ A little, but I think if I just review my notes and make sure I know everything, I should be fine.  _ I told her.

“True.” 

_ What about you?  _

“Yeah, same. I had one quiz grade from my math class that I didn’t do so well on, but other than that, I’ve done pretty well all semester.”

_ I feel like the first semester of college wasn’t as hard as everyone says it is. The professors are pretty laid back, the classes aren’t that hard, you just have to pay attention in class and know what the content is, and you’ll be fine. _

“Yeah! I noticed that a lot in high school, the teachers would be like ‘you have to pay attention now because your classes and your professors aren’t going to be this easy in college!’ except they are. In fact they’re probably more laid back than high school.” 

_ Definitely. I think it’s probably just to try to scare you, like if they get the idea in your head that college is going to be even worse, then you’ll start paying attention now.  _

“Exactly!” 

_ And also, I think-  _ I stopped signing when I saw a guy walk up to our table. He was fairly young, and honestly, not bad looking. 

“Hi,” he said. Liana and I exchanged glances, and she looked up at him. 

“Hi,” she replied. “Can I help you?” 

“Oh, sorry, I’m Jack. I just saw you doing that thing with your hands, is that sign language?” Liana gave me a look that said ‘really?’

_ Yeah, it is.  _ She told him what I said.

“That’s super cool,” he replied. “Could you teach me?” 

_ I don’t know, I’m really busy right now.  _ Jack looked to Liana, confused. She explained that I said I was busy. 

“Oh, well, see, I’m not usually good at learning languages, but with you I’m sure it could be worthwhile.” 

All of a sudden, images of Saturday night came rushing back to me. I was right up against Mat, my arms on his chest and shoulder. He was looking at me with those gorgeous hazel eyes, and I thought about him. What if he was sitting across the restaurant, watching this guy flirt with me? I couldn’t stop picturing him, his eyes turned sad, how hurt he would be.

“Yo, dude, she said she doesn’t have time.”

Jack took a defensive step back. “Well, maybe we could exchange numbers and you could give me an idea of where to start?”

_ You don’t really want to learn ASL, you came over here to flirt with me. Go drag your ass back to where it came from and stay the hell away from me.  _ Liana looked at me, her brows raised.  _ Tell him I said no thank you.  _

Her eyes didn’t leave mine, and then she looked up at him and replied, “She said no thank you.” 

“Okay,” he said sadly. I watched him as he turned his head to the floor and retreated back to his group of guys that were sitting at a table a bit away. They were snickering and laughing. I glared at them.

“What was that about?” she asked. 

_ I don’t know, but….  _ I paused, wondering if I should tell her.  _ I can’t get Mat out of my head.  _

She looked surprised. “Well it’s probably because you like him and you feel committed to him, even though that other guy was just flirting with you.” She hesitated and it looked like she wanted to say something else. “Have you ever considered telling Mat how you feel?” 

A wave of emotions came over me all of a sudden, and I could feel my eyes stinging and my nose tingling. It felt like I was going to cry, right here, in the middle of Starbucks. It hit me like a brick how much I like Mat, but I could still feel my logical side tugging me away from the idea of confessing my feelings to him. Well, here I was, at Starbucks, with Liana. From the four or so months I’d been bffs with her, she seemed pretty smart about friendships and relationships, and I realized I hadn’t told her the whole story. I felt like I owed her an explanation. So, I lifted my hands and started explaining. 

I talked about my relationship with my brother, and my relationship with Emma, and everything that led up to junior year. I talked about the moment when Adrian told me he liked Emma, and the moment when Emma told me she had a crush on him. I told her about the times that we all spent together, and the things that we did, and then I talked about the day it all fell down to ruins. Crumbles. A pile of rubble. It all went from cloud 9 to a garbage dump. I explained how the three of us, me, her, and Mat, felt a lot like me, Emma, and Adrian, and since now I don’t have them, I was so scared that if Mat and I decide to date, it could all go to pieces the same way. I told her that I haven’t talked to Emma or Adrian in an entire year, and I was terrified of the three of us ending up the same way. 

“Annabelle, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Is that why you’ve been so hesitant to like Mat?” 

I slowly nodded, looking from my hot chocolate to her friendly smile. 

She took a deep breath, taking in the whole story. “You know that you won’t lose me, right? Ever. I’m serious. Just like I promised you at the game that day, we’re friends for life.”

_ But what if something happens, and new emotions come up from something that we can’t predict? I thought Emma was going to be my best friend, and yet here we are. We haven’t talked in a year. _

“I get that you’re scared. I do. Are you wondering what you should do?”

I nodded again.  _ I’ve been internally debating since Cold Spring Harbor.  _

Her eyes grew wide. “That long?” 

_ Yeah.  _

“Wow. Here’s my advice. You like Mat, right?” 

_ Yeah. _

“Okay. But you’re scared that the three of us will fall out if something with the two of you goes wrong?” 

_ Yeah. _

“Annabelle, you can’t live your life in fear. If you got an interview for your dream job, but were afraid that if you interviewed you wouldn’t get the position, or you’d get it but they’d fire you, would you take the interview? No. But what should you do? Take the interview! Who knows what could happen with you and Mat. You guys could break up, or you two could get married someday-”

_ I doubt that.  _

“Don’t! You don’t know what’s going to happen, but you’re pretending you do! Instead of pretending to know that it’s all going to fall apart, pretend that you know that you two are soulmates, designed for each other, and the two of you are going to get married and grow old together someday.” 

I shrugged. She had a really good point. I had been pretending that I knew the outcome, even though I didn’t. What if it doesn’t go wrong, and instead, everything goes right? Plus, I had Liana’s promise to never leave my side. For once, I just wanted to believe it and take this opportunity. Plus, I basically already knew that he was into me too, so I had nothing to lose.

“I think you should just tell him how you feel and see what happens.” 

_ Okay. Thanks Liana.  _ I stood up and hugged her. We threw away our empty drink cups, Liana called an Uber, and a few minutes later, we were back on campus. 

That night, as I laid in my bed trying to fall asleep, I couldn’t feel the internal war. It’s as if a winner had been declared, so all the artillery had packed up and gone home. I was asleep within minutes because of the peace I was finally enjoying.


	39. Chapter 39

The rest of the week went by quickly. I could feel the difference in my mindset, now that I had basically decided that I had feelings for Mat, and it was okay. I was going to tell him, I just had to find the right time.

Friday afternoon, my phone buzzed. I picked it up, noticing a text from Mat. “Hey, I gotta ask you something,” it read. 

I typed back, “sure, what’s up?” He started typing. 

“So, the team has this family skate on Sunday afternoon, and I figured I’d ask Liana to come? She’s my sister, after all. I just wanted you to know why I asked her before you.” My heart sank a little bit, but of course I understood. It was family skate, after all. I’m sure he and I, or the three of us, would hang out again soon. My heart melted at how he felt like he had to tell me why he wasn’t asking me. It’s like he was committed to me already. “Sure, that makes sense! Thanks for telling me :)” 

“Of course! I’ll see you soon ;)” his last message read. I smiled, tucked my phone away and headed back to the dorm.

Saturday night, though, Liana didn’t feel well. She had been coughing all day, and she said her throat was sore. It sounded hoarse when she talked. She crawled into bed around 6, and lay down for the rest of the night. I took her temperature, and it came up normal. Weird, I thought. Nevertheless, I ran to the student center and got her some hot chicken soup and tea, hoping to help her feel better, especially for tomorrow. I hated the thought of Mat having to go to family skate alone, or worse, missing it altogether because his sister, who he was planning to go with, was sick. I tried not to think about that as I was taking care of Liana.

She was asleep not long after, and I climbed into bed, too. I hoped she would feel better in the morning so that she could go with Mat to skate, even though something told me that even if she felt better, she shouldn’t be spending several hours outside in the cold tomorrow.

The next morning, I woke up before Liana. I was hesitant to turn the lights on, because I wanted her to sleep as long as possible. I texted Mat “hey, Liana didn’t feel good yesterday into last night and I’m not sure if she’s going to be able to come to family skate with you today. I don’t know if being outside in the cold for a long time is the best thing for her.”

I set my phone to vibrate and tucked it into my pocket. 

A few minutes later, Mat replied, “aw man. Is she okay? Should i head over there?” 

My fingers hovered over the keyboard. “Nah, I think she’ll be okay, but what about family skate?” 

His reply came back a few moments later. “Hey, don’t worry about family skate. Lets make sure liana is okay first.”

“Annabelle?” I pressed the power button on my phone and tossed it on my bed, heading over to beside Liana. She had her eyes open and honestly, she looked better than last night. Maybe there was hope yet? “What time is it?” she asked.

_ About 9:40.  _

“Does Mat know I’m sick?” 

_ Yeah, I just told him.  _

“Will you do me a favor?” she asked.

_ Anything,  _ I replied.

“Go to family skate with him.” 

_ No! I need to stay here and take care of you.  _ I refuted.

“Belle, please. I’m feeling better. Seriously. I may not be well enough to go skate, but I’m feeling better. Well enough to take care of myself for a bit.” 

I looked at her, unsure. I wanted to make sure she’d be okay, and I knew I’d feel very guilty if something happened to her while I was out skating with Mat.

_ Are you sure?  _

“Yes! I’m positive. Please.” She looked around the room. “Here. Give me your phone.” I turned around and retrieved it off the bed, handing it to her. She grabbed my hand and placed it on the fingerprint sensor, then opened the phone app and pressed Mat’s face. It went to the dial tone and she waited. 

“Hey Belle, what’s up?”

“Hey bro, I’m feeling better,” she told him. 

“Oh, hey Liana. That’s great!” 

“But, not good enough to go skate today,” she glanced at me.

“Oh. Okay, well-”

She cut him off to add “but I have an idea. I think you should go skate with Annabelle.” 

For a second, Mat was silent. I looked between Liana and my phone sitting in her hands. “Uh, are you sure? You think you’ll be fine on your own?” 

“Yes! I’ll be totally fine. I just would hate to see you miss family skate or have to go alone just because I’m sick.” 

I could tell Mat was hesitant, but he replied “alright, if you’re sure.” 

“I’m sure.” 

“Alright. It starts at 1 so I’ll come get Belle around 12:45, is she there?” 

I nodded and Liana told him, “yeah, she’s right here.”

“Hi Belle!” 

I waved. “She’s waving,” Liana chuckled.

“I’ll be there around 12:45 to pick you up, sound good?”

“Yep, she’s nodding again. She’ll be ready.” 

Almost three hours later, I had gotten dressed into multiple layers, including a tank top, a t-shirt, Mat’s hoodie, and my winter parka, along with my knitted blue hat over my ears. I didn’t think it would be that cold, I had checked the temperature this morning and it said 38 degrees Fahrenheit. Nevertheless, I got cold easily, so I figured it’s better to be safe than sorry.

_ You’re sure you’re going to be okay?  _ I asked Liana as I stood in the doorway. Mat had texted that he was in the parking lot, and I told him I’d be right there.

“I’ll be fine,” she said. “Go have fun with Mat!” 

A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips and I told her  _ Okay  _ as I shut the door. 

“Hey, Belle.” Mat watched me as I climbed in, closed the door, and buckled my seatbelt. “Think she’ll be okay?” 

_ I’m sure she’ll be fine. She’s stubborn.  _

“Very. You ready to go skate?” 

_ Yep!  _

“Alrighty, to family skate we go!” he said, shifting the vehicle into reverse and pulling out of the lot.


	40. Chapter 40

We arrived at the outdoor rink about 15 minutes later. I saw a bunch of the other Isles players with their wives and kids, skating, some drinking hot chocolate, and most of them were smiling. Well, I may not have been family to Mat, but if I ended up telling him about my feelings for him, I could leave here as his girlfriend. 

We got out of the car and Mat grabbed his skates out of his trunk. Then we headed towards the skate rental stand. “I would have brought you skates, but I don’t have an extra pair, sorry,” he told me as we approached.

 _That’s okay,_ I replied. 

We told the guy what size I take and he handed me a pair of hockey skates. Mat thanked him and walked me over to a bench where we sat down and tied our skates. “You have to make sure to tie them really tight,” he told me. I glanced at his biceps as he pulled his laces and thought, I don’t know if I can tie them that tight….

Mat was done about a month before I was. He stood up and took off his guards, watching me try to pull them tight. I looked up at him and his smile, and chuckled to myself. _What?_

“Do you need help tying your skates?” he asked. “I’m happy to help you if you need!” 

I rolled my eyes and smiled. _Sure. Thank you._

He got on his knees and positioned my ankle to where it was easiest for him to tie the laces, smiling the whole time. Again, as he yanked my laces tight, I couldn’t help but glance at his biceps. Holy wow.

“Is that good?” he asked as he finished tying my first skate. “It should be snug, but not cutting off the circulation tight.”

I nodded, wiggling my toes. _Yeah, it feels good._

“Alright.” He moved to my other foot and a short minute later, he was done. I stood up and almost lost my balance, but I grabbed Mat’s arm to steady myself.

We made our way over to the rink and when we got onto the ice, the familiar feeling of skating took over and it all came back. It felt so natural, seeing as I had been skating for as long as I could remember. When I was really young, before I could walk, my dad would get a bunch of 5 gallon buckets, flip them upside down and stack them on top of each other, then set me on top and push me around on the ice. I’ve skated as long as I could walk, and even though we didn’t go often, there’s never been a time in my life when I felt uncomfortable in a pair of hockey skates.

I got my legs moving and gained some speed, and before I knew it, Mat was almost having to rush to catch up to me. Of course it was no big deal for him, he’d beat Connor McDavid for the fastest skater in the NHL. I knew there was no sense in trying to skate faster than him, and he was back beside me within seconds. 

As we both moved forward, Mat was skating circles around me. The fact that it felt like he was trying to show off was a little adorable. Okay, a lot adorable. It got even cuter when he sped up in front of me and flipped around so he was skating backwards at the same pace I was going forwards. I couldn’t push down the laugh as he stuck his tongue between his lips and focused on looking all around. His little focused smile was just about more than I could handle, and my own happiness broke into a smile as well. 

“How do you sign tree?”

_You don’t know how to sign tree?_

“I’ve never had a need to sign tree before, but now that I see a lot of trees around here, I’d like to know the sign for it.”

I rolled my eyes with a smile and showed him the sign. 

“How about ice?” I signed ‘ice’ and watched him copy it. 

“How about rink?” 

_You just fingerspell it, R-I-N-K._

“How about street?” I showed him all the signs that he wanted to learn, which was a long list, even after these few. 

_Look, is that Liana?_ I signed, as soon as Mat had taken an intermission from asking me about all the signs that he didn’t know.

I watched him turn around to be skating forward so he could see Liana and Tito both arriving. I was just as surprised as I was confused, and then the concern set in. Liana had been sick in bed just hours ago, and I knew that being out in the cold was only going to make things worse. As Mat skated over to the rink entrance and quickly hopped over to it, I was more scared, for both of them, than anything else.

“Liana!” Mat’s voice had turned gruff, and I quickly trailed behind him to watch how this was going to unfold and hopefully help if I could. “What are you doing out of bed?! You’re supposed to be back in your dorm!!” He turned to Tito. “And you, what do you think you’re doing, bringing my sick sister to a family skating event when it’s 35 degrees outside, huh? Are you trying to help her catch pneumonia??!?!” He looked furious and I’d never seen him like this before. He always seemed like such a teddy bear, and I could feel fear settling in my gut. 

Tito stood right up for himself. “Woah, dude, calm down! I don’t know what you’re talking about, Liana is not sick!” 

“Yes she is, she had a cough and a sore throat last night and this morning!!” He had lowered his voice a little bit, but I could still tell he was angry and concerned about her. “That’s why I’m here with Belle instead of her!”

Liana had been standing slightly behind Tito, watching her brother yell at him. _Are you guys together?_ I asked her when I caught her glance. She gave me an extremely subtle nod. I mouthed, ‘really?’ and she raised her eyebrows and nodded again. Wow, I didn’t expect that. 

“Uhh, guys?” Liana asked quietly. Mat and Tito had looked like they were about to square up any second, but upon hearing Liana’s voice, they both turned to her. 

“What?” Mat asked.

“I think I have some explaining to do.” I looked at Liana curiously, and I noticed Mat had crossed his arms. Tito was standing beside her and waiting for her to continue talking.

“I... wasn’t sick.” 

Mat raised his eyebrows. “Yeah you were, you had a sore throat.” 

Liana looked to the ground and shook her head. “No I didn’t, I made that up.” She looked up and met my gaze. “Annabelle, you took my temperature, right?” Both boys looked at me and I nodded. “What was it?” 

_Normal._

“Yeah, that’s because I faked it.”

_Why would you do that?_

She hesitated, then met Mat’s eyes. “Because Mat had asked me to go to family skate with him, and I had no reason to say no. And then Tito asked, and I really wanted to go with him even though I was already committed to going with my brother, and I didn’t want to turn back around and tell you I couldn’t go…” Liana said, looking at Mat. She took a deep breath, then continued. “I tried to come up with some nifty way to get out of it, but all I could think of was faking a cold. That’s why when Annabelle suggested she stay with me, I told her she had to go with Mat, because I was supposed to be going with Tito. I’m so sorry. Annabelle, for making you take care of me and for making you worry, Mat, for lying to you, and Anthony, for getting you caught up in this and almost getting you into a fight with my brother. I hope you guys can forgive me.”

Mat slowly uncrossed his arms and I saw his look of anger turn to one of sympathy. “Sis… you could have just told me you wanted to go with Tito, I would have understood.” 

She looked up at him. “I know, but I had already told you yes, and that just didn’t feel right.” He stepped forward and hugged her, and I smiled. I still loved how close they were and right then I also realized, if Mat and I ended up dating but things don’t work out, Mat’s relationship with his sister, and Liana’s relationship with her brother, wouldn’t be affected. 

Tito took a step closer to her and snuck his arm around her shoulder, and she looked up at him. “We have something else to tell you guys,” he said, glancing between us. “We’re dating.” 

Mat looked at me, and then back to Liana and Tito. It looked like they were anxious for Mat’s answer.

“Congrats, you guys. I’m happy for you both, seriously.” He smiled, and Liana looked at me with the biggest grin on her face. Maybe her wish of double dates would happen yet. Mat and I just had to actually talk about our feelings. I had hoped that he would be the one to confess, because as I recall he was the one talking to my best friend about his feelings for me? Where he said ‘like’ might not even be the right word? I hoped, but if I had to confess, I would. I just wanted to get all of this weight off my chest, and I had a feeling that after it was all out in the open, I’d feel much better.


	41. Chapter 41

Mat and I continued skating for another half an hour or so, at which point I felt myself run out of breath. I knew I needed to sit down, so Mat steered me off the ice.

We sat down on the bench and as I worked to catch my breath, I couldn't help but notice that Mat looked like he wanted to say something. 

"You doing okay?" he asked, glancing over at me.

_ Yeah, just trying to catch my breath _ , I replied. 

His gaze met mine, and there were his eyes, again. It was hard to count the amount of times that we'd locked stares like this, where Mat's eyes looked calm, reassuring, supportive, and there was that word again, ‘admire.’ A number of images came rushing back to me in a single instant: the boutique, Shake Shack and being introduced to the entire team, that night when I told him something was on my mind, meeting him at the airport after his first roadtrip of the season, not to mention our almost-kiss in his apartment. These were just a few of the countless memories with him I had collected over the past four months.

_ Hey, is something wrong? _ I signed to him. 

"No, no, I-" he paused, and either he was trying to catch his breath too, or he was having a hard time saying something. 

My hand was resting on the bench, and he rested his hand on top of it. I felt a rush of electricity zoom through me at his touch, and my ice cold hands were instantly warmer. His gaze fell on our connected hands, and then back up to my eyes. "I have to tell you something. Something that I've wanted to tell you for a really long time," he finished.

_ Okay, what is it? _ I asked him.  _ You know you can tell me anything.  _

His mouth curled into a small smirk, but he looked like he was thinking. I assumed he was trying to put the sentence together in his mind, and maybe he wasn't the best with words. I wanted him to know that I was patient, and I'd wait for a month to hear what he had to say.

"Okay, um..." I paid close attention to his face and I could tell he was very nervous to tell me whatever thoughts were churning in his brain. Finally, he lifted his hand from mine and it looked like he was going to sign. 

_ I...like...you, _ his hands said, and instantly I was speechless. Everything that I'd felt since I first met Mat in that coffee shop a few days after I moved here came rushing back to me, and I didn't know what to say or how to reply. I brought my eyes up to meet his, and I think he was going to start talking again. 

"I like you Belle," he said this time. "A lot, actually. I have for a really long time, practically since I met you. And all the times that we've hung out and done things have made me indescribably happy. Seeing you makes my day a hundred times better. I can't imagine what my life would be like without you." 

As he was talking, I had hoped that my mind wouldn't bring up the whole Adrian and Emma thing again, but of course it did. Suddenly I was back in my brother's room, listening to him tell me how I should have never helped them get together. And then I was back on my bed texting Emma, reading her message that said 'I don't think I can be around you right now Annabelle, I can't look at you without thinking about Adrian and he's the last thing I need to think about. It just hurts too much, I'm sorry." My heart lurched as all those emotions came rushing back to me, and I knew what I had to do.

_ I need to tell you something that I should have told you a long time ago. _

"Okay, what is it?"

I wasn't even sure where to start, but I raised my hands and just...started.

_ Two years ago, I had this best friend. Her name was Emma. We met each other in fourth grade, and she was the first friend I had that learned to sign. We did everything together, and I was so thankful for her taking the time to learn my language. So, early in my junior year of high school, she told me that she had a crush on Adrian, my brother. He had already told me that he liked her too, and so I basically put them together. For a while, everything was great. The three of us hung out, and of course they went out on their own, too. But Adrian was a year older than us, so at the end of that school year, he was going off to college. He and Emma got into this big fight about whether or not they should stay together and try long distance, but they ended up breaking up. Adrian blamed me for helping them get together in the first place, and Emma couldn't look at me without thinking about Adrian. She said it hurt too much. I spent the entirety of my senior year alone, broken, without my friends around me for support. I haven't talked to Adrian in a long time.  _

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Belle," he said, and I could hear the concern in his voice. "I hate that you were alone. You know I'd never leave you alone, right? Ever. I'd do everything in my power to make sure you never experience being broken again." I had my head tilted downward as I recalled all the memories that I'd long tried to forget about. As soon as I had finished signing, he rested his hands on mine, laying in my lap. As much as I wanted to leave my hands there under his, I raised them and continued.

_ Do you remember that night in your car, when you asked what was on my mind, and I told you I would tell you someday?  _ He nodded _. I was thinking about the fact that I like you, and yet I was so scared. I am so scared. What if everything that happened with Adrian and Emma happens with you and me and Liana? What if we try to be together but something goes wrong and we don't work out, and then she's mad at me for hurting her brother, and you stop talking to me ... I can't go through that again. I told Liana this a while ago too, but you guys have both taken the time to learn my language. That means so much to me, more than you know. If I lose her, or you, or worst, both of you, I don't know if I'll make new friends. It's not like I can just go up to someone and say 'hey let's be friends.' It takes a long time for people to learn how to communicate with me. And even if they don't mind me writing notes or typing out on my phone what I say, they often forget to include me in conversations, because it just slips their mind. I can't lose either of you, but I'm so scared that something will go wrong and I will. So since that night in the car, and even way before then, I've been fighting this civil war. My heart wants you, but my head has been telling me to shut down my feelings towards you because of the fear that history will repeat itself. So I want to just say I like you too and leave it at that, but it’s so much more complicated, and I wanted you to know this whole story that I’ve kept bottled up, because I just felt that somehow, you knowing would make everything easier. _

Without saying anything, Mat scooted closer to me and wrapped his arm around me. I laid my head on his shoulder and he gently rubbed his thumb along my arm. 

"Belle, I-" he paused. "I hate that you had to go through that. But listen to me. You have changed my life in so many ways. I cannot imagine my life without you. Hey, look at me." He nudged my head up with his shoulder, and I turned my gaze to him. "You are never going to lose me. Ever. If we break up, I'm sure I'll still be in your life because I don't want to live without you. I can't live without you." 

I glanced from his eyes, down to his lips, and then back up to his eyes. I wanted this, probably more than I've ever wanted anything. He leaned in, and I felt my eyelids close...

"Annabelle! Mat!" I turned to see Liana and Tito skating a ways away, waving to us, and Mat and I both waved back to them. Liana was a really good skater, and she and Tito actually made a nice couple. I hoped that all of us could go on double dates very soon. 

"So, what do you say?" he asked. 

I turned to look at him.  _ Say to what?  _

"Being my girlfriend. You said you like me, right?" I smiled at him, and nodded. "And I like you, so... why not?" 

I chuckled. If only it were always that simple.  _ Sure. Why not. _

"Okay great! Can I kiss you now? I've wanted to kiss you for a really long time and at this point, I'm sick of being this close." 

_ I hate to say this, but I think too many of your teammates would never stop chirping you if they got to watch us makeout on this bench, so we should probably do that another time.  _

Mat put on the cutest pouting face, but answered "fine, you're probably right anyway." 

_ I'm trying to look out for your pride here. You should thank me. _

"Thank you." There was a pause, a silence hanging over us. Mat's eyes didn't leave mine. "So, do you wanna get back to skating now sweetheart?" 

I felt my heart skip a beat at that word, but I replied,  _ I'd love to, babe. _

He held his hand out to mine with the brightest smile on his face, and I took it. He helped me up and we continued skating. The only difference was, this time our hands stayed intertwined.


	42. Chapter 42

Two weeks had gone by. Two weeks of dating Mat and seeing him most everyday, and I can honestly say they had been two of the best weeks of my life. I was happier than I had been in a long time. Liana, Tito, Mat and I went on one double date a few days after family skate, but then the team went on another road trip. It was extremely nice to have Liana by my side, as both my best friend, my boyfriend’s sister, and also a fellow newbie wag. I knew that we’d be supporting each other despite our boys being on the road. 

Being a wag was another crazy thing that came out of Mat’s and my conversation at family skate. Obviously we had decided to date, but there were all these changes and new things to consider as well. Technically, I was the youngest wag, because Liana’s birthday was about a month and a half before mine. Lauren had texted me Sunday night and confirmed that Mat and I were together, and I told her yes, but asked her to keep it under wraps. It’s not like Mat and I were dating in secret, but we both wanted to be able to announce it to everyone when the time was right. 

Liana and I acted as each other’s cheerleaders during finals week, despite the slump and the aching for Christmas break. Liana was planning to head back to Vancouver for some time at home with family and she knew she’d see Tito when she returned to the Island in January. I, however, had discussed it with my parents, and I had really wanted to stay on the Island, at least a little bit longer. They had agreed, but suggested coming up to visit me. I told them I’d love that, because of course I had wanted to see them. They even suggested Adrian come along, because his semester at Purdue had finished as well, and even though I was unsure of what would go down, I knew that I had to face it. Opening up about my feelings for Mat had shown me that life is too short to keep things bottled up, and Adrian and I could get back to where we were before everything went wrong with him and Emma.

Coming up on the last few days of the semester, I discussed with Mat as well as my parents what my living situation would be while the university was on break. My parents would be staying in a hotel room for two or three weeks, and they had offered that I could stay with them. Part of me wanted to, because I hadn’t seen them in a while, but Mat had offered his apartment to me as well, and I really liked the idea of ‘living’ with him for a couple weeks, just to test it out. Of course, I told my parents that I wanted to stay with Mat, and they were skeptical and told me they wanted to meet him, but in the end, they agreed. 

The day that grades were due and the day after, Friday and Saturday December 12 and 13, were move-out days. Some students were packing up and heading out as soon as they could Friday evening, others didn’t have flights leaving until the next day, or were waiting until daylight to start driving. The buzz around campus was very much present from all the students gathering their things, packing their cars, and heading back home, wherever home was. I, on the other hand, was simply relocating, 15 minutes away. Friday evening, Mat and Tito came to campus and helped me and Liana gather up all our things. Mat took my boxes and loaded them into the trunk and back seat of his car, and Tito was helping Liana get everything packed up and ready for her flight back to Vancouver. Her first flight left early the next morning, and we both were planning to sleep here overnight. 

The next day, Liana and I woke up early, got dressed, and met Mat in the parking lot. He had Tito already sitting in his shotgun seat, and so we sat in the back. I had really been enjoying spending time with these three people, and it made me sad that one of us would be 3,000 miles away in 12 hours. 

Liana’s first flight was from New York to Denver and then she had a connection from Denver to Vancouver. The three of us walked her in and waited with her at the gate.

When they announced Liana’s flight was starting to board, Mat stood up to hug her first. “Tell Mom and Dad I said hey,” he told her as she wrapped her arms around her big brother. 

“Of course. We’ll call you at some point.” She held eye contact with Mat for a second, then glanced at me, not even saying anything before wrapping her arms around me. “I’m gonna miss you, Belle. We’ll have to video call so I can keep up with my signing, okay?” 

_ For sure.  _ She smiled and held up the I love you handshape, and of course I held it back to her.

As she moved on to Tito, I considered telling Mat that we should give them a minute, but we decided to stay so that we could all say a collective goodbye when they were done.

After their hug, he gave her a soft kiss on her cheek, I assumed because they both knew Mat was watching. As she stepped back, away from the three of us, I signed,  _ see you in six weeks.  _

“Bye guys.” Mat wrapped his arm around me as we watched her enter the tunnel and disappear out of sight.

After the three of us left the airport, Mat dropped Tito off at his apartment, then headed towards his place. He placed his hand on my leg and steered with one hand, and even though I had my thick jeans on, I could feel the electricity rush through me at his touch. 

As Mat grabbed one of the boxes from his trunk, I saw him smirk. I pulled one out and heaved it in the door, through the lobby, up the elevator, and down the hall to Mat’s door, which he had left unlocked so we could get into easily. He trusted his neighbors.

“Sucks to be you right now, you can’t talk to me with a box in your hands,” he commented as we carried my things up to his apartment. I put on my fake angry face and he laughed. “You’re cute.”

After we set the boxes down on the counter, he walked over to me and snaked his arms around my waist. “I am so excited to have you here for the next few weeks, you don’t even know.” 

I debated removing my arms from around his neck so I could sign, but I decided body language was better than sign language at the moment. I rested my head on his chest and we stood there for a moment, almost slow dancing without music.

A couple relaxing minutes later, he brought his hand up to the side of my neck and gently cupped my cheek. “There aren’t any teammates here at the moment, so my pride isn’t at risk.” When Mat loosened his grip on me and I slowly pulled out of the hug, his face hovered in front of mine. He just stared at me for a few seconds. His gaze was fixed on me, and I wondered if time had stopped. He moved closer, closer, until his mouth was on mine. I felt my heart skip a beat and my stomach drop; I felt like I was in a free fall, plummeting towards Earth. He tasted warm and sweet, and we found a rhythm within seconds. His hand moved from my lower back to the side of my neck and he tucked his thumb on my cheek. My fingers slowly crawled through his hair and I could feel him tense up at my touch.

As we broke from the kiss, I hesitantly removed my arms from around his neck.  _ That was… nice.  _ I told him with a massive grin glued to my face.

“Oh yeah? I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

_ We should finish bringing the rest of the boxes in. _

“Yeah, on it.” Mat smiled at me as he headed out the door, and I reveled in the feeling that I just experienced, Mat’s lips on mine, his arms around me, my hands in his hair. I don’t think anything got better than that.


	43. Chapter 43

That evening was pretty relaxed and laid back. Mat and I cooked dinner, without a food fight this time. I couldn’t help but notice how seamlessly we worked together. I prepared one half of the meal while he worked on the other, and while I was dishing it all up, he set the table. We ate, then helped each other do the dishes, and after, we sat on the couch and watched a Christmas movie. Except, we weren’t really watching. We were for a bit at the beginning, and then Mat kissed me once, and there we were on the couch, all over each other. The voices on the TV continued on; meanwhile, we couldn’t have cared less about the movie. 

Mat let out a groan as his mouth danced along mine, and I wanted to get lost in the way he tasted. His fingers traced a line up my arm, along my shoulder and made their way onto my neck, and I felt goosebumps trailing behind. I slowly drew a line into his hair and starting twirling one of the strands of hair around my finger. I could feel him tense up at my touch. 

“Belle…” he said, right as there was a knock at the door. We instantly broke apart and Mat glanced over at it, as if there was someone standing there already. “I should get that,” he said as he walked towards it. I quickly rubbed my mouth with my shirt sleeve. 

“Ayyyy, how is my best friend’s girlfriend and my girlfriend’s best friend?” Tito asked, looking at me as he walked in. 

_ Hey, I’m good.  _ Mat was standing in front of the door, and I watched as he ran a hand through his hair awkwardly, and then started trying to crack his knuckles. I also noticed his cheeks turn a faint shade of pink, and I suppressed a laugh as I realized how flustered he was.

“So, whatchu guys doin’?” Tito questioned. 

“Watching a Christmas movie, wanna join us?” Mat offered. I knew he was trying to be nice, but something told me that the three of us watching a movie together would be kind of awkward. Mat walked back over to me and wrapped his arm around me. This time he laid his elbow on my shoulder and leaned some of his weight on me. I didn’t mind, it was cute. I glanced up at him, and he smirked back at me with a wink. 

“Nah, I just stopped by for a second to tell you about the New Years Eve party the team is having! Anders is hosting, and all the players and wags are going to be there. I think he was going to mention something about it at practice in the morning, but I figured I’d stop by here and let you both know. Also I’m planning to announce that Liana and I are together, even though she won’t be there, and I know you guys haven’t exactly come out with it either, so what better setting to tell everyone?” Mat and I looked at each other, eyebrows raised.

_ He has a good point, that’s not a bad idea. We’ve been trying to come up with a good way to announce it. _

Mat nodded. “True. Alright, we’ll be there. When?” 

“It starts at 9:00 on the 31st, and it’ll go till after midnight. They’re planning to watch the ball drop and the parade and everything.” 

I looked at Mat.  _ Sounds fun!  _

Tito nodded. “Alrighty, I should go.” 

“Thanks for the news, Beau,” Mat said and closed the door as Tito walked out. He turned around and looked at me. “Where were we?” He walked right up to me and pressed his mouth to mine, and honestly, I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of him kissing me. The feeling was euphoric and I realized just how much I enjoyed being with him.


	44. Chapter 44

The next morning, my parents’ flight was arriving at MacArthur at 11:30. I had told Mat that I wanted him to come with me to the airport to meet them. He had an early morning practice from 9 to 11 and then he would swing by the apartment, pick me up, and we’d both head to the airport. 

It was 11:15 before Mat texted me that he was here, and I started to get nervous that we’d be late. I had texted my mom that we were on the way and she replied once we got there that their flight had just landed and they were both excited to meet Mat.

At 11:43, Mat and I watched as the passengers from my parents’ flight started filing out of the tunnel, and finally I recognized my mom. She had her purse on her shoulder and was pulling a suitcase, and my dad was trailing behind her. Mat and I stood up as I made eye contact with her.

“Annabelle!” she said slowly as she recognized me, wrapping her arms around me in a hug. “It’s so good to see you again!” We pulled out of the hug and she asked, “How was your semester?”

_ Good! Really good.  _ Dad was standing behind Mom, and I made eye contact with him. “Hey cookie,” he said, hugging me. “I missed you.” 

Mat had been standing beside me, I immediately remembered.  _ Mom, Dad, this is Mat, my boyfriend. Mat, this is my mom and my dad.  _

“It’s so nice to meet you,” my mom said. She and my Dad stuck their hands out and Mat shook them. 

“You both as well,” he replied, smiling. 

“Annabelle didn’t tell us a lot about you,” my dad commented. Mat chuckled and looked at me.    
“Really? I thought she would have talked about me all the time.” I rolled my eyes and smiled. I was not the type to gush to my mom about how attractive some guy is.

“She just told us that she had met this guy and that we’d meet him when we come,” my mom told him.

“Well, Belle is great, I love spending time with her.” Mat pulled me into a side hug and I rested my hand on his shoulder. 

_ And I’m really thankful for him too, he’s been great. _

“We can’t wait to get to know you, Mat,” my dad commented. 

_ When is Adrian coming in?  _ I asked them.

“He had to stop at home for a couple days, he should be here by the end of the week,” my mom told me.   
“I’ll drop you guys off at the hotel, I’m sure you’re both tired from the flight.” Mat gently reached for my mom’s suitcase and she let go of it, thanking him. I figured he’d be even more of a gentleman than normal, and he was definitely trying to charm them. I smiled at the thought of how lucky I was to be with such a respectful and kind guy.

Mat helped my parents get their luggage into his trunk and then explained to them that he usually has me ride in the front so that it’s easier to see my signing in his peripheral vision. He asked if they’d be okay with sitting in the back. They exchanged glances and then nodded. “It’s so nice that you’ve been learning to sign for Annabelle,” my mom said to him after we had pulled out of the airport parking lot and were on the way to the hotel. 

“I figured I couldn’t not learn, and Belle has been an awesome teacher. Very patient.” 

_ He’s not bad at understanding me. He’s made immense progress since four months ago,  _ I told them. My mom was behind the driver’s seat, so she could see me best. My dad was behind my seat, so he didn’t have quite as much visibility to see me. 

“That was one of my biggest fears when she left, that she’d have trouble communicating with people or making friends, but clearly she’s super lucky to meet such awesome people as you.” 

_ His sister was my roommate this semester and she’s actually how I met him. Her name is Liana and she’s just as awesome as he is.  _ I signed, alternating between looking at Mat and my mom. 

“Nah, she’s more awesome than I am,” Mat replied, grabbing my left hand and intertwining our fingers as he drove. I figured this was the temporary replacement of his hand on my leg since my parents were in the car.

We arrived at the hotel and my mom and dad climbed out of the back seats. Mat hopped out as well and walked around to the trunk to help them retrieve their suitcases.

I rolled my window down even though I was still in the passenger seat. I could hear my mom say, “it was so nice to meet you, Mat. When will we see you again?” 

“Uh, I actually have a game tonight if you both would like to come? I can swing by and pick you both up if you’d like? Belle was planning to come and I’m sure she’d rather not walk around the concourse by herself anyway.” 

“We’d love to! Thank you so much for being so good to her, it’s such a relief to know she’s in good hands,” I heard my dad reply.

“Of course. I care about her very much.”

“Thanks for the ride, Mat,” my mom said as she and my dad headed into the lobby. They waved at me, and I heard Mat climb back into the driver’s seat next to me.

I rolled my window back up and turned to face him. “Alright, back to the apartment for some lunch and a nap, and then off to the rink we go,” he said, putting his hand back on my leg. I smiled and leaned in to give him a quick kiss. He smiled and pulled out of the hotel parking lot.


	45. Chapter 45

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. Mat and I went back to the apartment, made some lunch, then fell asleep in each other’s arms on his bed. I had cuddled up beside him, resting my head on his chest, and he had his arm wrapped around my waist. I wasn’t sure what we looked like, but I’m sure if someone had seen, it would have been quite the picture.

Around 4:40, Mat gently shook me awake. He nudged my head with his shoulder and I slowly opened my eyes. “Hey, it’s twenty to five. We gotta pick up your parents and then head to the rink.” 

I rubbed my eyes. Clearly, he had been awake for a while based on how …. awake he was.

_ How long ago did you wake up?  _ I asked.

“Not quite half an hour ago,” he replied. “I like watching you sleep, it’s adorable.” 

I felt the heat rushing to my cheeks as I smiled. He sat up and naturally pushed me up because I had been leaning on him.

“Are you gonna change?” he asked. 

I had been wearing a short sleeve t-shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans.  _ Let me grab my hoodie,  _ I told him.

I climbed off the bed, walked over to my room and picked up my hoodie. I slid it over my head and walked back into the main room. Mat grabbed his phone and placed his hand on my lower back as we walked out the door. 

We picked up my parents and headed to the rink. The pre-game was fun, but it made me miss Liana. I ran into Lauren and introduced her to my parents, and then I made sure she hadn’t said anything about Mat and I to the other girls. She gestured zipping her lips and replied “they haven’t and they won’t hear it from me.” 

When the players started coming on to the ice, of course I was right there watching. Mat came over to me and touched his glove to where my hand was, and it was like we were holding hands with glass in between. I saw Tito looking a little sad, so I signed to him,  _ I’m sorry Liana can’t be here right now.  _ He looked a little confused, but Mat told him what I said. He turned back to me and nodded with a small smile.

The game started and I was eager to see how we’d play. The Blue Jackets hadn’t done too bad so far this season, but I had my fingers crossed we’d beat them.

By a minute left in the third period, we were tied at 3. I was a little on edge about heading into overtime, but with 12 seconds left, Tito took a shot from the slot and put the Islanders up 4-3. A minute later the buzzer sounded and we had won the game.

Afterwards, Mat met my parents and I at the same spot that Liana and I waited a couple months ago. Hard to believe it was so long ago. He drove them back to the hotel and then we headed straight back to the apartment. It had been a long day.


	46. Chapter 46

Mat, my mom and dad and I spent as much time as we could hanging out and doing things around the Island. We thought about going back to Cold Spring Harbor, but that idea was immediately thrown in the trash because it wasn’t the right season. Instead, the four of us went shopping and sightseeing.

On Friday, Adrian’s flight got in. My mom suggested coming with me to pick him up, but I told her I really wanted to see him. Mat could take me, but I felt that I needed to address it with him, alone.

When Mat pulled up along the curb of the airport, there was a look of concern in his eyes. “You’re sure you don’t want me to come with you?” 

I appreciated the fact that he was concerned.  _ Yeah, I’ll be fine. We’ll be back out in a bit. _

“Alright. Text me if you need anything and I’ll be right in.” 

_ Thanks.  _ I closed the passenger door and walked inside.   
I had been texting Adrian and he told me when he landed and what gate he was coming in at.

When he exited the tunnel, we immediately made eye contact and he hugged me.    
“Hey Annabelle, it’s so good to see you again,” he said with his arms wrapped around me. “I hate the way everything happened and I wanna make amends with you. That’s a big reason why I came.”

_ Yeah. Me too.  _

“So, how are you doing? How is everything?” he asked as we sat down in the waiting area for the gate.

_ Everything is good.  _

“Yeah? How were your classes this semester? Make any neat friends?” 

_ Yeah, my classes were great! So glad they’re over, I’ve been looking forward to break for a long time. And not a lot of friends, but my roommate and her brother are two of the best people. I’m actually dating her brother now. _

His eyes widened and his eyebrows went up. “Really?! Wow. How do you guys communicate?”

I shrugged.  _ He’s been learning to sign and he’s not bad at understanding me. It’s crazy how much he’s improved since I met him. _

He smiled. “I’m glad. I’d love to meet him sometime.” 

_ Well, it’s your lucky day because he brought me here. He’s waiting outside for us. _

“Oh, does he mind waiting? Should we head out?” 

_ It’s fine. He can wait a few minutes. _

“What’s his name?” I really loved just talking to Adrian like this, because I hadn’t seen him much since he left for college a year ago. Last summer, before I came here, he had an internship and only came home for a few days before heading back out until fall. We avoided each other while he was home, and didn’t really say goodbye when he left. I think it had been enough time that we both wanted to make amends.

_ Mat.  _ I fingerspelled.

“With one T?” 

I nodded.  _ Or Mathew, but everyone calls him Mat. _

“What does he do?” 

_ He’s a hockey player, he plays for the New York Islanders. His sister, Liana, is my roommate and best friend. She’s also been learning to sign, but you won’t get to meet her because she went home to Vancouver a few days ago. _

“Gotcha.” 

_ How’s Andrea?  _ I asked. I’d only found out about Andrea, his girlfriend, because my parents had squeezed it out of him when he called home one night and then they had mentioned it later. I hadn’t met her or anything, I didn’t even know what she looked like.

“She’s good, she went back home to North Carolina for break though.”

_ That’s good.  _

“Yeah.” 

There was an awkward silence for a moment, and then Adrian spoke again. “We should probably meet your boyfriend outside if he’s waiting for us.” 

I nodded and we stood up, walking out of the airport. __

Adrian opened up the rear door and I hopped into my usual passenger side seat.  _ This is Adrian, my brother,  _ I told Mat.

“Hey Adrian,” Mat said as he climbed into the back. He turned around to face him and held out his hand. “Nice to meet you.” 

Adrian finished sliding his bag into the seat next to him, then shook Mat’s hand. “You too.” 

The three of us had a light conversation on the way to the hotel. My parents had booked a separate room for Adrian, and that’s partly why they agreed to let me meet him at the airport; because they’d see him once he arrived at the hotel.

After we dropped him off, Mat and I went back to the apartment to decorate for Christmas. We had hoped to already have some decorating finished by now, but the time we spent doing it this afternoon was so much fun. We put on Christmas music and made hot chocolate, and we even started making out a few times. What an afternoon.


	47. Chapter 47

Over the course of the next two weeks, I enjoyed every second I had with Mat, and also with my family. It was so nice to have them here for the holidays. The five of us spent a lot of time together and I loved all of it.

The three of them came over to the apartment on Christmas morning and we spent some time together, watched a movie, ate lunch together, and really just hung out. I considered my tension with Adrian to be gone, and honestly it felt amazing to have my brother back.

Christmas night the temperature dropped, and I noticed the lower temperature in the room as well. I had my hoodie on and was underneath my sheets and a blanket, but I was still shivering. There was only one way to get warm, I thought.

I quietly climbed out of bed and tip-toed across the apartment to Mat’s room. His door creaked as I pushed it open, and I heard him whisper, “Belle, is that you?” 

I nodded, but his room was dark, so he couldn’t see, and I couldn’t exactly sign ‘yes’ to him either. I turned his light on ever so dimly.

When he saw me, he smiled. “Hey hon,” he said. “What’s wrong?” 

_ I couldn’t sleep because I was so cold,  _ I told him.

“Aw, okay come here,” he grabbed the sheets and pulled them off the bed so I could crawl in under them. He laid down and I cuddled into the crook of his neck, and he tucked the blankets around me. As he settled into his pillow, he adjusted his arm so it was wrapped underneath me, his hand resting on top of my waist. I could feel myself warming up already, and I was asleep within moments.

When it finally got to be New Year’s Eve, I was anxious for the party all day. I was excited to meet the team on a more relaxed and personal level, as well as get a chance to meet the rest of the wags. I was more nervous for that though.

My head knew that they’d treat me the same as anyone else, and I hoped that was true, but I couldn’t be sure. Suddenly, I had a short flashback of walking through the hallway of the dorm for the first time, when I met Liana back in August. I remembered being so nervous that she was going to judge me or have some kind of issue with the fact that I can’t talk. I tried to take some deep breaths and relax, knowing that they’ll probably all treat me as kindly as Lauren has. 

When we got to Anders’ house, Mat could sense my nerves. I’m pretty sure he could from the moment we got into the vehicle at the apartment. Once he parked, he turned towards me with that look in his eyes, the one that I could drown in. I felt like whenever I was stressed, or anxious, or worried, all I had to do was look into his eyes and everything would be okay. “Hey, I know you’re nervous,” he said, taking my hand out of where they were resting in my lap and intertwining my fingers with his. “Listen, everything is gonna be okay, I promise.” 

_ But what if the other girls judge me, or- _

He cut me off. “Or nothing. They’re not going to judge you, Lauren didn’t. None of the other guys did. In fact, wanna know something?” I nodded. “The ones that I’ve talked to about you have all said how it’s so cool that a) you use a different language, and b) that you’ve been so resilient. You moved here from Indiana for school, you didn’t know anyone, and you had the same fear coming here as you do right now, right? That people would judge you? A lot of people look up to you because of how brave you’ve been. If they judge you for it or say something mean, you don’t have to be around them and we can go, okay? No big deal.” 

I had looked down while he was talking but glanced up to meet his gaze.  _ You always know just what to say.  _

Mat smiled at me. “I know you, and I know what to say to make you feel better.” He gently rubbed his hand on my leg without breaking his eye contact with me. “I’m here for you,” he said, taking a deep breath and prompting me to inhale with him. Honestly, he should be a therapist, he was so good at calming me down.

After I felt more relaxed, he picked up on it, and asked, “ready to go in?” 

I nodded. 

“Alright, stay there.” He opened his own door and walked around the car, then opened my door. Of course he made sure to hold his hand out for me to grab and I signed  _ thank you  _ as I stepped onto the pavement of Anders’ driveway.

Mat and I walked hand-in-hand up to the door and he rang the doorbell. “Don’t worry,” he reminded me as we waited.

“Hey hey, Mat!! So glad you could come! And Annabelle, so good to see you again!” Anders opened the door and greeted us, glancing at me with a smile. He opened the door a little further to welcome us both inside. 

As we stepped in, it was 9:11, and I was glad we were fashionably late. I saw a bunch of the other players standing around each other, talking. “Do you guys want anything to drink?” Anders offered.

“No, I’m fine,” Mat replied, and I signed  _ I’m fine, thanks.  _ Anders nodded and fell back into the groups of people chatting.

_ Do you mind if I stick with you for a bit?  _ I asked Mat.

“No, no, that’s fine! I’m going to talk to some people, is that okay?” 

I nodded and grabbed onto his arm as we approached Matt, Ebs, and Zeeker.

“Hey Annabelle, how ya been?” Casey greeted me before Mat, and I smiled. 

_ I’ve been good, how about you?  _ I asked. 

Mat didn’t tell Casey what I said, but Casey seemed to understand what I said anyway. I was so grateful to Mat for allowing me to have a chance at communicating with the other guys without needing him to help me. 

“That’s good! Come to any games so far?” 

_ Yeah, I came to two! St. Louis back in early October and Columbus a couple weeks ago.  _ Mat had to help them with this one, but I didn’t mind. I was actually thankful that I had him by my side, both for support and for help interpreting.

“Oh, both great games!” Matt commented. “He got a sweet goal right at the end of the St. Louis game in the third period,” he said, pointing to Mat.

I smiled and nodded.  _ Yeah, it was amazing.  _

Ebs changed the subject. “So, Annabelle, have you seen Lauren sign yet?”

_ No, not yet, has she started learning?  _

“Yeah! She got started about two months ago, right after she brought you and Liana to the game. She’s loving it but she wants to practice more, think you could help her get some experience?”

_ For sure! I’d love to see her here!  _ Mat was still helping interpret whenever he noticed someone looked confused, and I was very grateful to him for that.

“Yeah, I think she’s over with the other wives.”

Just as I was about to go find Lauren, I heard Anders’ voice. “Hey, everyone, could I have your attention, please?” I hadn’t yet dropped Mat’s hand and he pulled me back beside him, gently squeezing it three times. Everyone in the room turned to face Anders and he rubbed his hands together as he started talking.

“First of all, I’d like to say thank you to everyone for coming tonight, I know we had a game yesterday and a game tomorrow and we’re heading on the road again in a few days, so thank you for making the time to come and socialize with everyone.

“Secondly, I actually know of someone who has an announcement to make, so I’d like to turn the floor over to my good friend Mat Barzal. All yours Barzy.” Anders made eye contact with Mat as he was talking, and everyone turned to look at us. 

“Alright, so I know that most of you have already met Annabelle, but everyone, this is Annabelle. My girlfriend.” 

Immediately, the room went up in cheers. Everyone was clapping and screaming, and I heard a few “congrats!” from different places around the room. The smile was stuck on my face and Mat couldn’t stop the happiness from being apparent on his face either.

_ Why is everyone cheering?  _ I subtly signed to him. He pulled me closer so he could whisper in my ear.

“I think it’s because.. I don’t know.” I chuckled.

Finally, the noise died down. “Thank you all so much for your support, it means a lot to Belle and I.” 

“Took ya long enough!” Tito shouted from the corner, and some people laughed. 

Anders cleared his throat from the front and everyone turned back to face him. “And, Beau actually has an announcement for us as well,” and the crowd shifted to look at Tito. 

“Liana and I are together too, but she went home to Vancouver for the holidays,” he explained.

“How does Mat feel about that?!?” Ebs shouted. Everyone laughed.

“It’s fine,” Mat replied.

Shortly after that, Lauren came up to me. “Heyyyy girl! Come here, I want to show you something!” I looked back at Mat and he nodded.

_ What’s up?  _ I asked her. 

“Well, since you’re a wag now, I figured you should meet the rest of us! You’ve already met Grace…”

Grace stuck her hand out and I shook it. “So good to see you again, Annabelle!” 

_ You too.  _ I smiled.

“And this is Meghan, Sydney, Kristy, Emily, Cam, Jen, Alexis, Brandy, Paige, and Morgan.” As Lauren introduced them all, they smiled at me and some of them nodded and greeted me. “Girls, this is Annabelle, Mat’s girlfriend. As you probably just heard. She’s mute though, so she signs. That’s part of the reason why I’ve been learning.” 

“It’s so good to have you on our team, Annabelle. Us girls have wag nights where we all go to the home games, and we have girls’ night when the boys are gone and we all get together and hang out. I’m so excited for you to join us! I’ll add you to our wag group chat and then if you wanna add Liana, since she’s one of us too,” Grace explained. I nodded excitedly. I was glad that I’d be able to tell Mat that he was right, everything would be okay.


	48. Chapter 48

The rest of the evening was actually very enjoyable. I spent a lot of time talking with the rest of the girls, and at one point I glanced over my shoulder to see Mat talking to a bunch of guys. I assumed he felt my glance because right then he turned and met my gaze. He gave a cute little wave and then went back to his conversation. I felt the heat rushing to my cheeks and as I turned back around to face the rest of the girls, Meghan said, “You guys are too cute.” 

“I know right?” Jen said.

“I literally thought they were together two and a half months ago, and I introduced her to Grace as Mat’s girlfriend,” Lauren commented.

“Let’s be honest, we all thought you two were together,” Sydney added.

“I kept hearing from Anders that Mat wouldn’t stop talking about you at practice and I could have sworn that you guys were dating ages ago,” Grace said.

_ Thank you,  _ I replied. 

A couple hours later, it was 11:45. We all gathered in the living room and went around saying one thing we’re thankful for that happened this year and one thing that we’re excited about next year. Mat of course said meeting me this year and excited for everything new that next year will bring. 

_ I’m thankful for meeting Mat of course, but also the opportunity to come here and study something I love. Next year I’m excited for my second semester of college, being a wag, coming to more games, and embracing life.  _ Mat interpreted for me, and as I was signing, I looked around the room. Mat was right. By the looks on everyone’s faces, they were fascinated by ASL and signing. I felt a little bit on the spot, but I settled into the uncomfort and tried to embrace it. 

This year I had learned so much about myself, about life, and about love. I- love?? Did I love Mat? What if I did? That wasn’t a bad thing, right? I think I’m past the point of liking him.

As the clock ticked closer and closer to midnight, Anders turned on the TV to the New York City celebration, and we all waited in the living room anxiously. Finally, we entered the final minute and people started counting down out loud. Mat took my hand and looked me in the eyes.

“Listen, Belle, there’s something I have to tell you.” 

_ Okay, go ahead. _

“9! 8! 7!”

“I’m in love with you.” Suddenly we weren’t in the living room anymore. There was no one around us, and the world just fell away. It was Mat, and me, standing here, no one but us. “I love you, Belle.”

“6! 5! 4!” Suddenly it was like I didn’t have to know that I loved him, I just felt that I did. I do.  _ I love you too.  _ I signed.  _ I’m in love with you.  _ I watched as his face turned even brighter than I’d ever seen it before. His smile lit up the entire room and my heart was warmer than it had ever been before.

“3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!” As soon as the clock hit midnight, Mat’s lips were pressed to mine and he caught me off guard. I hesitated for a second, then wrapped my arms around his neck as I felt him place his hands on my waist. The butterflies in my stomach were just as present as the first time I met him in Babylon Bean all those weeks ago. I could feel it in my head, and my heart, that everything would be okay. As long as Mat was by my side, everything would be okay.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the story! If you're still reading at this point, thank you so much for taking the time to read about Mat and Annabelle's story! I hope you guys love it! If you have any notes, feel free to add a comment and also press the kudos button if you liked it! It helps me so much!   
> So yeah! Thanks again and I hope to see you in the sequel 😏👀


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